yeah I get this. part of ADHD for me is having a lot of impulsive words floating through my head. I try to avoid things I wouldn't want falling out later. I remember in high school I had a revival of "aw, gay" that kept popping up in my head, even though it had already died out socially years ago and I hadn't said it (in that manner) in years. I probably saw it again on TV or something and it just stuck. it took a lot of conscious power to just stop saying it reflexively when I died in a video game or whatever.

I don't know how to say this in a way that doesn't sound like I'm shit talking so I'll just put this here and say I mean it without sarcasm or insult.

That's a hell of a sacrifice, and I wouldn't make it, but I do respect your commitment.