this post was submitted on 24 Oct 2023
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Funny: Home of the Haha

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[–] [email protected] 246 points 1 year ago (5 children)

I found a kickass stick 4 years ago in the Smokies the weekend my wife and I got married. It's literally the perfect stick. Straight, smooth, nice thickness, durable as hell. Must be of a rare hardwood variety, I would imagine. I still have that stick in the corner and I see it everyday when I'm sitting at my PC. Have I ever used it for anything? I wouldn't dare. It's too nice of a stick to just use on a whim. Why do I keep it around? Well, if I ever had a problem that required a really nice fuckin stick, I'm covered. Every year or so, my wife says to me, "JPSound, you still have that stick?! Why do you keep that thing around?" I look that woman dead in the eyes and say, "there will come a day, my bride, when the creator of all shall lay before us an obstacle, nay, a challenge that only a mighty stick of such grandeur may aid us in such a lofty trial. And this stick, my dearest, this stick awaits our call to guide us into the sunkissed valley of victory so sweet. Only then shall you see what I see. Know what I know now, that this mear stick, is far more than it seems. Then you will know, I am the mighty protector of this home and family. You will see, my love. You will see." Then she usually just rolls her eyes and says, "whatever... I gotta run to the grocery store. Do you need anything special?" And I respond with a mighty boom, "yeah, that fancy chocolate milk I like, please."

[–] [email protected] 274 points 1 year ago (39 children)

I may never get another chance to share this with the world, so may I present to you...

[–] [email protected] 81 points 1 year ago

Dude that may be the most perfect stick I've ever seen.

[–] [email protected] 71 points 1 year ago

That IS a really good stick

[–] [email protected] 56 points 1 year ago

That stick did not dissapoint

[–] [email protected] 52 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

That's a pretty fantastic stick.

I read your whole comment and I was skeptical. But you're totally right about everything.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Missed opportunity! It was Fanta”stick”

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

groan

roll eyes

[–] [email protected] 39 points 1 year ago

This is a one bitching stick.

[–] [email protected] 37 points 1 year ago

Shit, that's a nice stick.

[–] [email protected] 32 points 1 year ago
[–] [email protected] 32 points 1 year ago

That's a nice fuckin stick

[–] [email protected] 29 points 1 year ago

I have to admit, I thought you were exaggerating. But that's a damn fine stick.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 year ago

That is a quality fuckin stick my man.

[–] [email protected] 25 points 1 year ago

Would that I had such a perfect stick... I can't blame you for not using it. Just don't let the dust collect on it!

I've never worked with wood, but I imagine a layer of mineral oil could keep it looking great.

[–] [email protected] 25 points 1 year ago

That's a fantastic stick. Don't throw it away.

[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 year ago

That is one helluva nice stick.

[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 year ago

Damn. That's a helluva stick. You better treasure that

[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 year ago (1 children)

It has a 1.5x buff for dark damage! Rare drop

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

1d6+2 bludgeoning damage 1d6 earth damage +2 charisma

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 year ago

You undersold it!

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 year ago

Nice stick bro. Excellent length, nice girth.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 year ago

nice stick my man

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 year ago

Damn dude nice stick

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 year ago

Nice stick bro

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 year ago

That's a nice fuckin stick right there, king

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 year ago
[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 year ago

Holy hell what a nice stick!

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 year ago

wow this really is the perfect stick

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 year ago

That's a really nice stick!

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 year ago

You should make a glass case for it with a decal “Break Glass In Case Of Emergency”

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 year ago

Gandalf's stick is jealous of this.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago

Really good stick just the perfect thickness nice slight bend too the plant which came from nailed it .... Must be glorified

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago

Thanks for the stick pic!

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Wow! That's fantastick!

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago

Bruh that stick is dope. Keep it safe, the fate of the world may depend upon it.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago
[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago

Damn, nice stick!

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago

That is a nice stick.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago

May I add my compliments and salutations to the already extensive list? Extensive as the beauty represented by that stick, of course

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago

Top tier stick my dude

[–] [email protected] 1 points 11 months ago
[–] [email protected] 55 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Memories of the wedding that weekend? Spotty at best.

Memories of finding that stick? Near photographic.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 year ago (1 children)

And the stick was FREE, like all the best things in life.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

I want the money. It's what I want.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago

Are you Nick Offerman? Because this sounds very much like his writing style.

Also, it's spelled "mere", not "mear".

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago

You're lucky -- whenever you can't remember the date of your anniversary, just look up the date you got married

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

Man this is great. I need to upgrade from the Home Depot Sticks of Justice we keep around the house, just in case.