this post was submitted on 17 Oct 2023
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No Stupid Questions

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Something I've never been that great at is spontaneous conversation. I'm more than capable of public speaking if I've prepared something in advance. But if someone asks me something out of the blue, I really struggle to engage in deep conversation. Afterwards I'll think to myself damn, why didn't I bring up X or Y?

Half the time I don't know what to add and I struggle to think of what to say. Sometimes words feel like they're on the tip of my tongue and I can't get them out, especially when I'm under pressure. And in group conversations, I find it hard to interject when I do think of a point. By the time a natural break comes along, the conversation has moved on.

I'd love to get better at this. What can I do to improve?

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

When in doubt ask questions. Try to actively listen to what people are saying, think about what they're saying, and just ask any questions that pop up in your head. People love to talk about what they're passionate about, especially questions, it shows you're engaged. You don't have to have any original idea or contribute anything, just a series of questions. At the end of the conversation the other party will feel like oh I had a great conversation, even though you didn't contribute or volunteer any information. You especially see this in diplomats and negotiators, they don't need to tell you anything about themselves, they just need you to feel good about talking to them.

So just listen for a bit, when somebody mentioned something think about it, start asking questions. You don't have to provide any anecdote on your own to have a successful conversation.