this post was submitted on 16 Oct 2023
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[–] [email protected] 77 points 1 year ago (6 children)
  1. How is this not weird that a guy wanted a bunch of other dudes foreskins?
  2. Why would you want to be in that family?
  3. It's fucked up that dude got double more than what the king asked for.

You know what? The king and that guy are perfect for each other.

[–] [email protected] 54 points 1 year ago (2 children)
  1. This was actually a pretty standard way of recording the number killed in battle. You can see in the Libyan War inscriptions for Merneptah discussion of how they took wheelbarrows of dicks of the uncircumcised, and the more unusual part is the mention of taking the hands instead from the sea peoples who were "without horns" (generally understood to have meant they were without foreskins).

  2. It's good to be the king.

  3. Always be hustling.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 year ago (1 children)

And they called the indians savage for taking scalps, smh.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I mean, to be fair, this was 3,000 years before that.

Though not like hyperviolence doesn't happen anymore, even in 'civilized' militaries.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

No, you see it's OK if you shoot them from a mile away while looking through a filter that makes people into white silhouettes.

You're only a savage if you kill women and children up close.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Dang, didn't know this. Shit like this really reminds you how fucked up we used to be.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I dunno. I used to look at a town in France where the neighbors came in, pillaged, raped, and killed such that bodies were left dismembered for ages as this little microcosm example of how far the world had come from the senseless barbarism of antiquity.

But literally just a few days ago we had mass killings, rapes, and dismemberment from one group going in and attacking their neighbors as brutally as they could. And that was on top of having already been rather upset after reading just months before about Russians torturing POWs by feeding barb wire up their rectums to slowly pull it out.

We still seem to be doing our best to be as fucked up as possible.

It's just that the parts of society that aren't fucked up have arguably come a much longer way than the parts of society not fucked up in antiquity. Which is pretty much the only bright side I can see anymore.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

I think the parts of society that you are referring to that aren't fucked up have just been able to distance themselves from reality- the upper middle class has the luxury of being unaware of everyday struggles and they seldom have opinions other than those shared by those who hold power. The Russians you refer to are terrible people but they've been indoctrinated with garbage. My point is that many people's circumstances are just that- circumstances.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 year ago (2 children)
  1. researchers use foreskins to test new cosmetics on.
  2. if you are in the cosmetic industry you'd want a good foreskin supplier.
[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)

This is true. I used to work at a foreskin medical supply company. We would do massive shipments to various cosmetology companies, schools, and some hospitals.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

this has got to be a shitpost

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

I'm going to choose to believe it is a shitpost.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

This feels like the lead in to Ben Stiller saying, but why male models?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

Any product that is applied to the hands or lips will eventually be in direct contact with a penis, one way or the other.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

You don't see many abordiginals with 200 foreskins

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

To be fair, it says he killed 200 philistines, not that he collected 200 foreskins.

So half of them were probably women, and he was just disappointed with the droprate like a bad MMO quest.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

Man this quest is just a oddly sexual quest that is just a thinly vailed grind quest but hey at least the xp gained is good

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

The quote from the new international version says he wanted revenge on his enemies. So it was just a revenge thing according to that passage.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

The other guy is David. King Saul would get super jelly of how popular David was getting (with all the foreskin collecting, I guess) and would eventually go on a murderous hunt for David and his men.

Also, Saul had a son, Johnathan. David and Johnathan have a lot of "no homo" moments.

First and Second Samuel and First and Second Kings. They're a trip.