I will gladly take this suggestion.

To give something back, I'd recommend Berserk, the manga. My recent reread after it's original author died gave me a deeper understanding of it: with all horror, brutality, orientation on depicting fights, the best times the main character had was when he found friendship and love, when he opposed the spirit of hatred that gave him his power on condition of eventually killing him. Such a simple concept, but it is put and drawn so well. It shows, how after a huge loss and PTSD person gets filled with hatred, and how it may regain it's sanity with time and opening up to strangers.

Huge NSFW warnings though, I want you to consider checking first if it wouldn't be too much for you, seriously. And - to assume the first chapters are the future of the MC, after the traumatic event, and bearing with him being an asshole due to hurting internally at every step.

It helped me a little bit. I hope you'd find something in it.