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Hi jago,
Sorry for the delayed response. I do also see the inconsistency between looking at your post directly vs lemmy.ml. I have noticed, however, that every now and the lemmy.ml throws a bad gateway error, which would imply it's getting overloaded again. That might create situations where lemmy.ml has all comments marked as federated, while some of them were actually dropped mid transit. Same applies to lemmy.one.
I don't know of any workarounds for that, unfortunately. Feels a lot like a bug.
In regards to subscriptions - you're right, the pending state does seem to actually impact federation. Some of my subscriptions to beehaw have been pending since day one but I can see the content just fine. I've written this off for another bug in the software.
I had a look at your profile - I can definitely see the posts you've created as well as the comments. I've noticed some UI bits fail to get refreshed - things like notification status, etc. I found forcing a page refresh helps with that.
Sorry I couldn't be of more help.