this post was submitted on 27 Sep 2023
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Here’s a funny story. I knew a guy that used to start his full sized dodge pickup this way.
Let me introduce you to Ron. Ron had been a bodybuilder and personal trainer in a past life, but was now painting apartments. He wore a lot of Native American jewelry and stuff, and would tell anyone that would listen that he was Native American. Despite being a dark skinned very Italian man.
One morning after being out all night drinking in strip clubs. He walks out to his truck still hungover and grabs a long miniroller handle, and jumps the starter. His truck roars to life, but Ron had forgotten one minor detail. Last night when he drove home drunk. He parked his truck and left it in first gear.
The truck instantly lurched forward knocking him down. It then rolls him up under the truck so his knees are against his chest and back to the ground, and the truck dies.
This probably would have killed lesser men, but not Ron. He used his immense strength to push this pickup truck backwards while in first gear. Probably actually just sliding it back since it was parked in the grass.
He gets up takes it out of gear and cranks it again. He then drives himself to the hospital to find out he had ruptured 2 disks, broken some ribs, and 1 of the ribs had punctured his lung.
Until recently he was the only person I’d ever known to run over themselves with their own vehicle.
I also have a story about him spending the night with a friend, and jamming his boner into the friends wife’s Vaseline. Then blaming someone else for the hole in tub while eating breakfast with his friends family, but this probably isn’t the place for that story.
You can add me to the "ran over themselves with their own vehicle" club, but, in my defense, I was just a little kid. Maybe not technically able to be in the club because it was my parent's car, not mine, but I still claim it.
That absolutely counts! After all, if a billionaire gets all their money when young, they are still a billionaire.
You know, I said until recently Ron was the only person I knew. Well, about 3 weeks ago my partner came home and told me they’d been in a minor wreck. Essentially they got in the car, and started it. Put it in reverse and realized they couldn’t find their phone. So, naturally they jumped out, and the open door knocked them down, and the front tire ran over their leg.
Similar to me. This was back in the early 70s, which is an important detail.
I was 5, dad just got home from work. While he and mom were getting ready to have dinner, I snuck out and was play driving in the car. Back then you could shift the car out of park without the keys, and I did. It started rolling down the driveway. Scared, I tried to bail, but got tripped up and fell on the ground with the wheel headed right for me.
Somehow, I was able to only get run over across my leg. I still have a piece of gravel in my knee.
What an awesome story! That story serves as a great cautionary tale too, most of us wouldn't be as fortunate as Ron in that situation. Thanks for sharing!
This is what I like to do. I’m old, and not the brightest bulb. But, I am full of stories about myself or someone I’ve known making total mess of things. I call it my old man wisdom.
Also, just to make Ron even more ridiculous. Imagine nightwolf from mortal kombat. Now imagine that guy but with the accent and attitude of Andrew Dice Clay. That dude was a trip.