Asklemmy

Told frequently I am smart, all evidence available when really considering the question points to actually being of average intelligence, and in some areas phenomenally dumb.

Rambling follows, feel free to ignore or read on if bored.

Something my father told me comes to mind here. I was complimented frequently on being a bright student when I was younger, so with all this flattery in mind I took an online IQ test. It was a pretty good score, though I don't remember what it is (and can't speak to its accuracy - I was a kid, tf did I know about test standards). I rushed up to my dad and told him about it. He sat me down and said "IQ is just a measurement of potential - that's it. It's what you actually do with that potential that's important."

I have not really done much with that potential, if I'm honest with myself. Sure, I got good grades in school, dean's list in university, all that stuff. But when I look at my day to day life - my work, my interests, etc. - I'm struck with this sense that it's the kind of life designed for people who authority figures like to call smart, but only as an appeal to ego to serve the aims of other people. Smart takes on the same meaning as a good boy - you obey the rules, don't make too much trouble, come up with clever solutions to other people's problems, and don't neccessarily put much thought into your own. And where you recognize these problems, they are personal failures - always - that only you can solve, alone. Smart people don't need help - it's 100% false, but it's an hard idea to shake off, simply because the answer I usually got when asking about any problem is "You're smart - you'll figure it out". And I did, mostly - but what about those I couldn't, and still haven't?

The danger here is that being "smart", by dint of repetition more than tangible evidence, becomes a cornerstone in my sense of self. But all those people calling me smart and reinforcing this idea - what did they actually mean? Did they mean I am innately intelligent? Did they mean I was compliant? Did they mean I would do well as a nice little cog in a larger system? Or did they mean I actually had the potential to change something worthwhile?

Over the years, I've come to dislike the term smart given all of the above. I like to sub in clever in most cases, because you don't have to be smart, overall, to come up with a clever idea or solution. The idea of being smart, accepted uncritically, can be a prison. And most of the time it isn't true in any meaningful sense.

Smart, dumb - just try and do cool shit you find interesting. Be kind to other people. Do new things, and be willing to look like an absolute dumbass once and a while. Don't let your sense of intelligence become a complex - no matter who are, you're probably wrong about a lot of shit, go test that as often as you possibly can. You'll probably learn something, no matter how "smart" you are.