Am I the Asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Misaki_Volt on 2023-07-09 18:16:59+00:00.

I (25F) and my boyfriend (28M) have been together for a little over a year and he moved into my apartment a little over 4 months ago. I love to paint. It’s just a fun hobby that I use as my own version of therapy. Anytime I feel overwhelmed or particularly frustrated, I pour those emotions into a new painting and feel much better after it’s finished. I wouldn’t say I’m the next Bob Ross or anything, but I like my paintings and my friends and family always compliment them. I have about 15 of them hanging up around my apartment in various places. My boyfriend, J, has always said how cool he thought the paintings were and has never tried to discourage me from putting them up all over the place.

About a week ago, J said he would like to host dinner with his friends at the apartment. They’ve never been over, and he thought it would be a good opportunity for his friends and I to get to know each other better. I agreed and was happy to cook, make drinks, and host. I immediately started planning what I was going to make and asking J if there were any dietary restrictions that his friends have. He stopped me in my tracks and told me he had one request to make before he confirmed with his friends. He asked me if I would take all my paintings down for the evening and put them in our bedroom. When I pressed him for why he would want me to do that, he shrugged his shoulders and said they might make his friends uncomfortable.

Now my paintings are an expression of my negative emotions, so as you can imagine they lean toward the dark and macabre. They aren’t by any means pretty landscapes or bright flowers, but they are still my art and very personal to me. If the goal of the dinner is to get to know each other more, I would think they are a great conversation piece and show a lot of insight into who I am and what I like to do. J argued with me saying they are “twisted and sick” and that he doesn’t want his friends to think I’m some sort of mental case. I had no idea he felt this way about the paintings, and I was hurt by his description of them. I yelled, got mad, and told him that the paints aren’t going anywhere and if he doesn’t like it, then we can always go out to a restaurant instead. He pointed out that this is his house too now and he should be able to have his friends over for dinner without having to make excuses for the decorations on the walls.

I stood firm in my stance, and we argued some more. He ended up leaving for the night and staying at his friend’s house. He has since come back and keeps bringing up the paintings every chance he gets. I don’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable, but I think he’s more uncomfortable with my hobby than his friends would be and it’s upsetting to think that over a year into our relationship this is just now coming out. So, am I the asshole? Should I just take the paintings down for one night and end this argument? I’m starting to wonder what other things bother him that he hasn’t told me about.