this post was submitted on 20 Aug 2023
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131
If you knew you were going to get Alzheimer’s at 65 would you have kids? (lemmy.world)
submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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This has been on my mind lately. My dad is going through it, his sister has got it pretty bad and I apparently have the predisposed gene to get in my future.

I’m leaning no because I wouldn’t want to make my child go through slowly watching their dad’s mind leave them and also potentially pass it on to them when they get older.

It’s thrown me for a loop since I always imagined myself having kids and I’m around that age now.

What do you think?

Edit: I just want to say that I did not expect the kind of response this post got. I’m grateful for all of your comments and the perspectives it’s allowed me to peak into.

I also should mention that were I to have children they would most certainly not be burdened by being the crutch of my own personal journey of accepting and loving who I am. That is work for me alone and I would never unload that responsibility onto those I love and especially those who I’d be raising.

As for my partner not wanting kids, I would never consider forcing or persuading them to raise a child when they know for certain it’s not in their cards. This is another element in how I’ve been navigating this question. I love her with everything I have and I can’t imagine us being apart and yet there is a pang that lingers of the father I assumed I would eventually become.

Anyway, thanks again for your thoughtful replies. They’ve helped so much especially since this is the first time I’ve voiced these thoughts.

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

As a person who doesn't want kids anyway, I might not be the target audience of your question, but I will weigh in regardless.

There are two components here:

  1. Bringing someone to existence when they are likely to inherit this terrible disease.

  2. Having your children experience seeing their parent with this disease.

You don't have to subscribe to anti-natalism to decide that it would be better to not have kids in this situation.

You could however, if you still want to raise children, but don't want to worry about #1, you can adopt. Plus you will spare yourself/your partner the pain and risk of pregnancy and childbirth, while at the same time give a family to a child who has none. Problem #2 will still be there, but depending on the age of the kid you adopt, they won't be as young when/if you develop the symptoms and therefore might be better equipped to handle that.