This is an admin post, intended for blahaj lemmy users. Top level posts from members of other instances will be removed.
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Edit - Hexbear announced plans to deferedate from us.
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~~After recent events, it feels to me that sentiment has shifted and more people are asking for defederation of hexbear than previously~~
~~I've been doing my best to try and mend bridges and keep us connected, as it's my hope that we can maintain trans solidarity and work with them, despite the friction, however, ultimately, I feel that this is an issue for the blahaj lemmy community to decide, not the admins alone~~
~~So here's what we're going to do~~
~~We're going to leave things as they are for a week. That will give time for things to calm down whilst we see if we can work together. After a week, I'll put up a vote and get a feel for where the community is at in regards to our continued federation with hexbear. That poll will run for a week. If there is a strong will to defederate (a clear majority), then that's what we will do~~
Solidarity is not a one-way street though. You cannot expect one group to always tolerate all behavior of another, without the other group acting in the same way. Both groups have to agree that the members of the other one deserve respect and should stand up for one another. If solidarity is demanded, but not returned, then it's just empty words.
In the same vein "Being fed up with the system" is no excuse for taking out one's anger on anybody who is also suffering under the same system. That's just abuse.
To bring it back to the current discussion: Members of Hexbear have to make an honest effort and demonstrate that they willing to treat members of Blahaj.Zone with the same kind of respect that they are expecting to be met with. Constantly dunking on people and being obnixious and rude isn't that.
I've tried pretty hard to just talk with people, but probably 80% of the time I am put in a position where nothing I say is right, including multiple users coopting therapeutic language around abusive relationships to personally accuse me of using such tactics (with no substantiation), along with endless "red fash" type remarks. None of that is your fault, but remember that some people on our side also get attacks we did nothing to deserve.
I don't think federation can work because one of your larger communities is obsessed with hating people like us, to the point of the mod just using private attempts at diplomacy for more drama fuel, but I still support it because I think it is worth it for all of us to see how it goes.