Today I learned

This happened to me on honeymoon… Was on the Isle of Skye and wife and I decided to go for a hike up a hill to see the sunset. About half way up a swarm of flies were buzzing round something deceased. There were quite a few so I was swatting them away from around my head with my hands. Got a perfect shot on one; hitting it for 6 straight into my ear canal. That’s when the fun really started… Oh my fucking god the sound!! The loudest sound you can imagine; from inside your head. I honestly can’t do the horror justice.

I went into full on panic mode with my wife laughing her arse off asking what the fuck was going on. In between my cries and slapping the side of my head I managed to explain as we descended down the hill at break neck speed. The fly, during this time was very much having its own panic attack vibrating it’s body through my ear canal sending not only sounds but pain like a nail being hammered on the eardrum.

Reached the bottom of the hill and the fly was running out of steam. It would frantically buzz for a few seconds then go silent to return a second or so later. The doctor was called who said to take a look in the ear but the fly couldn’t be seen. Then advised to pour water into the ear to float the fly out.

As my ear and side of head resembled a fully ripe tomato due to the slapping my lovely wife got some ice cubes in a glass and filled it with water with the idea of reducing the swelling. Into my ear this frigid mixture went. The fly calmed down and was now going silent for 5 to 6 seconds between its spasms. About 3 minutes later I started to feel dreadful; the worst nausea I have ever had the misfortune to feel with the pain and buzzing continuing. The world was spinning; I was dying… The doctor called back to see how we were getting on and my lady explained the situation and how I was basically uncommunicative, white as a sheet and retching. The doctor then announced that he hoped the water had been at body temperature as the inner ear is very sensitive to temperature changes and even a couple of degrees difference will cause dizziness. Guys I was Ill for about 3 hours. Vr motion sickness had nothing on how terrible I felt. The fly had not surfaced but was eventually forever silent.

After a sleepless night with visions of a rotting fly corpse invading my brain we went to the one hospital on the island to have my ears syringed. The nurse pulled and prodded but couldn’t see the fly; I really had smacked it for six right down. She then popped a camera in and audibly gasped seeing a magnified blue bottle fly face staring back at her in its death mask.

It took 10 minutes of syringing, but it eventually came out. It was a full sized fat twatting arsed bluebottle; the size of a small bee.

Would not recommend!!! Spinal surgery is less traumatic.