Transfem

i started hormones on thursday (yayy!) and wrote this poem today, wanted to share and it and dont really have anyone to share it with lol. note im not a professional poet i just do it for fun :x hope its understandable/someone can relate.

"Song of the Mirror's Siren"

the glow of some creators light
casts a bright blue hue across my small apartment.
the chatter of the finches and the crisp of the air
stands in disagreement with the fog that seems to live
eternally somewhere, before the world,
but at the forefront of my hazel eyes -
a protection from the hurt and anguish of living,
but cursed as all matters gifted from hell,
feral enough to assault all things joyful and loved.

somewhere deep within the fog, a string appears to pull me,
trance-like, into the routine of morning,
where i find myself preparing for day
with body washed and teeth brushed.
a mirror stands above the faucet porcelain,
forming window into the depths of hatred itself,
where sirens sing songs of vanity and sin.

a struggle to keep my eyes at bay,
i glance into the mirror, horror struck,
as eyes meet with a stranger.
he beckons out for help, but sings another's name -
a name whose song is so familiar,
but a name that isn't mine.

his voice seems to penetrate outward from the mirror,
calling through the fog as a lighthouse does a ship,
blurring the line between metaphor and life.
the melody arouses chaos within my soul,
a contradiction between face and heart begins to form,
and just as the ship turns starboard toward the light,
i feel the string grow tighter, pulling me nearer.

inches from the stranger now, i gaze into his eyes
and see reflected an image of ship cast into rocky shores,
of a life lived long and truthless.
terrified at the horrors seen, i stumble back from the mirror,
collapsing onto the frigid tile,
the string snapping,
and the fog escaping the room with such calamity
as to whisk the siren back into the hell of which he came.

a newfound lucidity fills the crisp air,
meeting the chatter of the finches in a song so full of life,
so blissful, so present.
i stand and look into the mirror,
now gazing upon the reflection of a face so new,
yet so familiar!
on her face forms a smile,
"Hello."