this post was submitted on 20 Jan 2025
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Eh i would say the friend zone absolutely exists.
My wife tried to friend zone me early in our relationship. She wanted to date around and still be friends with me. I told her that wasnt ok with me because i had stronger feelings for her than that and id be miserable. I cut ties.
A few months later she asked me on a date out of the blue. I spoke my peace that to me, this was a real date. Well, that was almost 13 years ago and we just had our 9th wedding anniversary
I did something similar with a women I felt strongly about. I shot my shot and I got something like "I don't know if I want to be with anyone right now. Not even like a hook up." as an answer. I obviosuly took that as a "No" and let the subject drop. I wasn't angry or outraged that she didn't give me the answer I wanted. Disappointed, yes. Maybe even a bit sad.
But I harbored no animosity towards her. She didn't owe me a fucking thing. But I did believe it wasn't fair to myself or her to try to maintain a friendship when it was always going to be colored by my romantic interest in her. It didn't feel honest. So I quietly let it and her go.
About 8 months later, she found out I was leaving town for another city. She showed up at my job and basically begged me to get into her car. We drove around for a couple of hours while she brought up all the silly shit we used to joke about like running away to Europe together and similar while all but pleading with me to stay.
I had found out months back that she was sleeping around with practically all my male friends the entire time I was chasing her and even after turning me down. I reiterate that she didn't owe me anything but I felt so god damn disrespected and foolish. I just calmly said that my leaving town was set in stone and that I was seeing somebody. She didn't take it well and I legitimately thought she was going to drive us off a bridge a few times.
Tl;dr Had a crush on a girl and got turned down. End friendship because I don't want to get hurt when she sees other men. Girl comes back later begging me to stay when she finds out I'm leaving town. Doesn't know that I know she's been fucking around with my friends during the entirety of our friendship and thereafter. Tell her no and she activates berserker mode.
I refer you to the second part “or the guy did something to change that”. You walking away made her reconsider how she valued you.