this post was submitted on 07 Jan 2025
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[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 days ago (3 children)

They are not just jokes. People posting these things are doing so specifically to antagonise the right.

I’m telling you that your concern trolling is alienating allies.

I have chosen to engage in this just like you chose to deal with the blowback when you posted it.

All I have done to “fight for trans rights” is to speak out when I can, challenge bigotry as I am challenging you right now, stand up and be counted at queer marches/events and raise a daughter who took the only trans kid in her high school to prom.

You don’t know my life and that isn’t the discussion. Stop deflecting and learn to focus on intent.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Stop deflecting and learn to focus on intent.

I'm also in favor of the viewpoint that the "First Lady Trump" joke was fine. Just felt the need to comment on the last point; I've had that sentiment before too, but I've also seen danger in the idea that "Because my intentions were positive, I shouldn't be criticized." That's been a defense used by bigots, too. eg, Trump throwing paper towels to disaster victims (even though he certainly didn't have to take time out of his day to throw paper towels, gee, how nice he is!)

I'd like to hope that in the past 30 days I've never said anything racist/bigoted - but I'd also acknowledge the possibility that despite my positive intentions, I may have. It's only important because these days very few people think themselves to be bigots. Think about the type of person most likely to say things like "I'm not racist!"

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 day ago* (last edited 15 hours ago)

I’m telling you that your concern trolling is alienating allies.

And they are telling you that your lack of empathy is alienating a different set of allies. Those who you seem to claim to be allied with.

Stop deflecting and learn to focus on intent.

I mean, this is 101 stuff.

https://www.healthline.com/health/intent-vs-impact

If your impact doesn’t match your intent

Ever found yourself saying, “But that’s not what I meant”?

You aren’t alone. Everyone tends to measure their responses based on their own interpretation of a situation, meaning that unintentional harm is bound to happen — none of us are above an accidental “ouch.”

If someone discloses that you hurt or offended them, the remainder of your relationship, whether it’s professional, romantic, or platonic, can depend on how you handle the situation.

Here’s how to get things back on track:

  • Listen with the goal of understanding where they’re coming from, not with the goal of defending yourself. It can help to use the active listening technique of repeating back exactly what you hear.

  • Center their feelings, not yours. It’s normal to feel a little prickly when someone tells you that you did something wrong, and you disagree. But take a beat and a deep breath, and know that you can talk about your feelings later.

  • Genuinely apologize or acknowledge the impact that your actions had on them. Steer clear of “I’m sorry if,” “I’m sorry you,” or “I’m sorry but,” as these all lack accountability and put the blame on the one who was hurt. A simple “I’m sorry for doing that, and I’ll do better next time” can go a long way.

[–] [email protected] -1 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

I don't put much stock in post votes, but I don't think a majority popular comment that the person I was replying to already agreed with is, uh, getting blowback. Honestly you seem to be the most hostile one here. If you'd read any of the lovely conversations I've already had with folks here, you'd understand that I haven't blamed anyone for this joke, I am simply communicating what I have heard in the community, and I don't have any expectations of changes in behavior as a result of this.

It's not bigotry to call out jokes on the internet, btw. For someone fighting a war on behalf of us all I'd figure this would be lower priority!

I'm going to stop responding to you since you don't seem to be engaging with the intention to actually listen to minorities, ciao!

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

I don't put much stock in post votes, but I don't think a majority popular comment that the person I was replying to already agreed with is, uh, getting blowback.

I see at least 3 people pushing back and I see you deflecting in each case. Since you seem keen to ignore those comments but mention the upvotes you got originally, it definitely does seem like those matter more to you than the reasonable points being made counter to yours.

I'd figure this would be lower priority!

This is false framing. You're wanting people to think that they're prioritizing some dumb joke over real lives getting impacted. Considering the number of suicides that happen amongst comedians as just one obvious sign that people use humor to cope with how fucked up life can be, I'd say humor should be higher priority than it is in society currently. And we obviously don't need to hurt people's feelings for humor to exist (already hearing you typing something about that), but if something so benign is elevated throughout society as inappropriate to say, less jokes happen, and frankly more suicides happen (and yes I also hear you typing about trans people having a higher suicide rate -- I am aware).

Just as a personal example, I've had pretty bad depression for years now but recently started rewatching Malcolm in the Middle again. It's felt so good to laugh and makes a big difference in my mental health. Due to its age, the show is littered with jokes you could pick apart entirely and remove every sliver of joy from if you wanted to. But since the show makes it incredibly obvious that there's a good heart behind all those jokes, I chose joy in this case. Joy isn't something to belittle as just some stupid joke if the criticism levelled actually can prevent countless other (mostly) harmless jokes.