I happen to be a scaleless snake expert, as a result of my extensive experience.

The trick with hairless snakes is you have to keep them warm. Too little heat, and this guy will go completely rigid.

Imagine an icicle made of blood, with a snake built around it. That’s your hairless snake with too little heat.

Beyond that’s its basic hairless snake stuff: clothing, thermal tattoos, an endless supply of hairless rats, and little snakeweights to help them stay buff.

It’s not easy raising these special creatures, but it’s very rewarding once you get over the unmitigable horror of feeling them crawl around your shoulders, and their habit of whispering as you shudder.

Because of their lack of scales, they’re unable to vocalize, and hence they speak in a hoarse whisper.