this post was submitted on 03 Nov 2024
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I think most people have certain expectations of where they will be in life at a certain age. Milestones. Some are kind of baked in to society. In the US, you'll graduate high school (secondary school) around 18. You can legally drink and, increasingly, smoke pot at 21. You'll graduate from college/University around 22-24. Some cultures of origin have you married by 20, with kids by 22. You should be a grandparent by 45. If you don't own a house by 30 you've failed at life. And on. And on. And on, ad nauseum.
We put these obligations and pressure on ourselves and we don't need to. Be told, you can let go of these pressures. Society, family, and culture expectations are not mandatory.
You're 24. You've got time and even if you never have sex there just so much to life. I recently buried an elderly friend. She lived to 92, died a virgin, and her only regret was not traveling more. Sure she was probably Ace, but it just shows there's more than the milestones we put on ourselves.
Have peace OP. Don't compare yourself to others, you didn't know their secrets, only their outside self
I mean yeah of course I have milestone and goals. But without them I would not have the motivation to do things in life. And I feel like this is one of those goals which I'm falling at missirably
To be clear, i was referencing "milestones" that are foisted on us by our society and upbringing. Personal goals are fantastic.
Also, if you'll allow an old man to ramble, goals are those things we can accomplish without the permission of a specific person. For example, getting job in your chosen field is a goal. Getting a job at Google is a hope or dream. Buying a house is a goal. Buying that house is a dream. Sex can be transactional (goal), but is healthiest (imo) when it is the natural extension of a close friendship that becomes a relationship.
Anyway, don't lose hope. You sound like you're in a good spot as far as Maslow's hierarchy of needs goes. Life is indeed a journey, as cliché as it sounds. We've all been dealt certain hands, and some of us can trade some cards out. Others are stuck with what they have in hand. A lot of satisfaction in life comes from our perspective and attitude. My last bit of old man advice is this: before you begin feeling down on your situation in life take a positive inventory. If you haven't already, start each day by writing ten positive things in your life. Or five. Or one. But do it. Add to the list daily. When the dark days come, review the list.
I didn't know you, but I love you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some clouds to yell at
I think you may have the wrong perspective here. Sex isn't a milestone or something to "be obtained." If you go into an encounter trying to check a box then, you are setting yourself up to be disappointed. Sex is something fun that happens naturally between partners who are open and both have interest in sex. Focus on being happy with yourself (be a person that you would want to have sex with) and investing in your relationships.
Grandparent by 45?
What the fuck place is that, Siberia or Alabama?
Rural Midwest America is wild. It is depressing how many people think it's normal to start a family at 17/18, never leave their hometown (of less than 5000), and never try to add to their knowledge of the world. (17 is being generous btw)
Don't get me wrong. There are some lovely people from the country. There's also a lot of willful ignorance
Have an grumpy upvote, because I'm not happy with that response.
Normal to start a family at 17? People have no sense of perspective. I didn't have a kid until I was 30, and here in the UK I know plenty of guys who didn't become fathers until their late 30's.
I can't imagine how hard it would be going through my 20's with kids. It sounds awful.
Small town America man. I 100% agree with you BTW. When my oldest brother was born my parents had been married two years, and were 20 years old. TWENTY. Fortunately my siblings and I were taught to think before committing. We all married, at the earliest, in our mid-twenties. No one had kids until late twenties/early thirties. My wife and I are child free for medical reasons, but that let's us be the aunt/uncle that can help out without being completely brain-drained from parenting 24/7