this post was submitted on 05 Aug 2023
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I second Kingdom Come: Deliverance. Seems like it ticks all of OP's boxes.
in Elden Ring you do get a battering, but you also feel like you are a protagonist.
Seconding the Souls games. Even though you’re on a quest to do something important and big, the game does absolutely everything it can to make you feel worthless. I saw a good quote, something around the lines of “most games ask you to beat them. They’re designed to be beaten. Dark Souls tells you it’s impossible and dares you to try” which sounds like what OP is wanting
That just paints DS as dishonest, since it's designed to be beaten too. There are entire genres of games far less fair and forgiving than DS, such as roguelikes, where death means starting over from scratch and bad RNG can screw you over in a heartbeat no matter how well you play.
You're literally addressed as the "Chosen Undead" by a goddess in DS1 and tasked with saving the world.
Yet that doesn't matter much as the two endings of the game are that you either refuse to link the fire and walk away, leaving the world to die, or you do link it to keep it going for a little bit longer but in the end it won't matter much as it will die down eventually.
You could say that about any other story where you save the world. You only ever save it from the present danger, you never make it safe for all time. Otherwise there could be no sequels (of which DS has received a couple). "Happily ever after" is figurative.