this post was submitted on 12 Sep 2024
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Overall? Dogs.
They're the most perfect animal for companions. They've evolved and been bred to work with us, read us, and be as close to part of human life as possible. Nothing else on this planet is as in sync with us, to the degree that you have to go out of your way to make a dog hate you. Anyone wanting to whine about why they don't like dogs, or be snide, expect to be ridiculed and insulted. Just a warning.
But that's not the answer you likely want.
Tigers. Tigers are majestic as fuck. Beautiful, interesting, alien, massive animals. They're what you would expect to see in the dictionary beside "predator".
You ever play any of those games where a bunch of idiots are sitting around asking increasingly dumb "what if" questions until someone passes out? One that always seems to come up is "what animal would you fuck if you had to?"
My answer is always "tigers". And it's plural. Why plural? Because once you do it once and survive, why would you stop?
Why tigers? Tigers are majestic as fuck. Beautiful, interesting, alien, massive animals. They're what you would expect to see in the dictionary beside "predator".
We have a tautology here.
I'm also absurdly fond of chickens now.
I do not, and would not, fuck a chicken.
However, they are endlessly entertaining, and you can eat some of the things that come out of them. That alone is worth some affection.
But then they make noises. Trills and bawks and growls and clucks and little content beak clacks while they nestle into your side as they get ready to nap
They will also rip food not only from your hands, but your mouth if you aren't careful.
They are dinosaurs you can give offerings to. And you must bring offerings to our dino-chicken overlords, lest they deem you unworthy. Biscuits are preferred, but they will accept almost anything until they find a favorite. Once they find a favorite, you will be scolded if you offer anything else. They will still eat the less preferred offerings, but they will do it with contempt.
Also, no touch. No touch, only look. Touch gets pecks. No touch, only biscuits.
Chickens are apex predators too small to be the apex of anything but a yard. But within that yard, they are as gods!
Unless you have a weedeater, in which case, they will wait in the shrubbery, thank you very much. Weedeaters are straight out.
Absolutely deadly and beautiful creatures, chickens.