I've adopted, "Nothing, it's great!"

I usually just say "recovering from this" and gesture vaguely at everything

I alwas answer those questions with a "why's that?", makes them actually asknwhat they want while you think of a lie.

You're not gonna trick me into hanging out with you this time!

Weeping and wailing

I like asking coworkers near the end of our shift, "What's for dinner?"

as little as possible.