Excellent Reads

1519 readers

1 users here now

Are you tired of clickbait and the current state of journalism? This community is meant to remind you that excellent journalism still happens. While not sticking to a specific topic, the focus will be on high-quality articles and discussion around their topics.

Politics is allowed, but should not be the main focus of the community.

Submissions should be articles of medium length or longer. As in, it should take you 5 minutes or more to read it. Article series’ would also qualify.

Please either submit an archive link, or include it in your summary.

Rules:

Common Sense. Civility, etc.
Server rules.

founded 1 year ago

MODERATORS

[email protected]

179

I Am Not Always Very Attached To Being Alive: Living With Passive Suicidal Ideation (theoutline.com)

submitted 3 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

45 comments fedilink hide all child comments

At 27, I’ve settled into a comfortable coexistence with my suicidality. We’ve made peace, or at least a temporary accord negotiated by therapy and medication. It’s still hard sometimes, but not as hard as you might think. What makes it harder is being unable to talk about it freely: the weightiness of the confession, the impossibility of explaining that it both is and isn’t as serious as it sounds. I don’t always want to be alive. Yes, I mean it. No, you shouldn’t be afraid for me. No, I’m not in danger of killing myself right now. Yes, I really mean it.

How do you explain that?

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago

I mean. It just is.
You make the choice, and you stick with it.

I made the choice when I was 16 when I decided it was a permanent solution to a temporary problem. That keeps the door open for if I face a permanent problem, but otherwise removes it from consideration.

Now I just laugh at how surreal the experience of thinking of suicide when life is fine. And when I find myself in a position where I don’t find the ideation surreal, I go back on antidepressants.