this post was submitted on 22 May 2024
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I'm very good at what I do and people hire me for my skills and experience. They assume that I have this level of ability because I'm passionate about what I do.
I find what I do boring and pointless. As I'm sending a deliverable that I've worked for weeks on, my only thoughts are relief that it's done and what a waste of time it was. My clients thinking what I do is important is what keeps a roof over my head. But I think it's fucking stupid.
There's a whole emperor wears no clothes situation going on. I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. I find it hard to keep a straight face in meetings.
But I'm very aware of my privilege. I'm lucky I'm good at this and I'm lucky people pay me for it. But I'd rather just go lie in the backyard and stare at the floaters in my eyes all day than go to another networking opportunity, or conference, or listen to a podcast about my industry.
It's boring and it's dumb.
I have the nack I find what I do trivial and easy, but the people around me think I'm amazing at what I do. If its not a challenge, I find it hard to concentrate or do a good job. I'm missing the suck it up and just do it skill. It would be okay if I at least thought I was doing something positive, but I find it all pointless.
I don't have any floaters yet, but sitting in the backyard watching birds sounds amazing.