this post was submitted on 07 May 2024
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[–] [email protected] 68 points 5 months ago (4 children)

Hey all, hoping for some advise [sic] and direction here.

I was out on the lawn flapping my arms for about an hour, but I still wasn’t flying. I told gravity that as a supersentient being of virtue true I was no longer constrained by any mechanics quantum or admantium.

I think I got off the ground a couple of times, but obviously gravity can’t understand what I’m saying or else I’d be over Des Moines by now. My FreeFlight™ air wings have been ordered but I should still be able to defeat the laws of physics with my Natural Brane, right? Anyone done this already who can help??!

[–] [email protected] 21 points 5 months ago (2 children)

Ah, it's because you haven't read my book "Newton's Lie: How Big Gravity is Keeping Us Down". It's only $199.99 on my website. You'll also get a 50% discount for a subscription to my monthly podcast "What Birds Don't Want You To Hear", so it'll only be $39.99 per month.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 months ago

Those are great resources. Just don't forget to come to my website where I sell all the parts for firearms, bombs, and stills but no firearms, bombs, or stills to purchase the paperwork you need to fly over the US as a Natural Flyer. We prepare it all for you so that you don't have to worry.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago

If Big Gravity didn't illegally hold down the truth, your book would fly off the shelves (literally).

[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 months ago

Wow, you really nailed the tone and language.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 months ago

You actually were flying over Des Moines. Your brane just wasn't ready to see it yet. Keep working on it. Gravity isn't holding you back at all. It's just the conditioning you've been brainwashed with.