this post was submitted on 28 Apr 2024
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[–] [email protected] 105 points 6 months ago (15 children)

If a cute goblin woman wanted to claim me as her husband, I probably wouldn't say no.

[–] [email protected] 131 points 6 months ago (13 children)

I mean, cute in a 2D depiction, with a lot of detail missing, but think of the reality of the situation.

Probably smells like shit, literally. Bathes as frequently as she hunts fish.

Probably has no idea what a toothbrush is, chunks of meat stuck between teeth until the enzymes in her saliva break it down over weeks.

Anatomically incompatible, probably.

[–] [email protected] 99 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (12 children)

Bro, the genre's called fantasy for a reason.

Why you gotta ruin my dream of finding someone who loves me for myself? Unrealistic though it might be...

[–] [email protected] 22 points 6 months ago (2 children)

If that's the same criteria you use for looking for that someone, and you proceed with an open and courageous heart: it won't be a dream.

And I would say that we have general artistic conventions of depicting elements the previous commentor suggested: smell lines, meat in teeth, etc.. Their absence from the scene leads me to believe the commentor's interpretation is far from the artist's intentions.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 6 months ago (2 children)

I appreciate the heartfelt advice but I'm mostly just riffing.

My real problem is that staying home and playing video games is less work and more immediately gratifying than getting out and trying to meet someone, but I recognize that complaining about that just means I'm trying to have my cake and eat it too.

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 6 months ago

The goblin swinging a club on the other hand...

[–] [email protected] 17 points 6 months ago (2 children)

She doesn't love you, you're the first thing she could grab with a heart beat and two legs

[–] [email protected] 25 points 6 months ago

Beggars can't be choosers.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

Not true! She ate a monkey yesterday. ..and she grabbed it before she ate it.

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[–] [email protected] 72 points 6 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 32 points 6 months ago (2 children)
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[–] [email protected] 13 points 6 months ago (9 children)

you're aware humans have existed in the wild for millions of years and we regularly fucked other human species, ye? and people can be in relationships without having sex.

Goblins that are capable of intelligent speech and understanding and desiring the concept of a husband are well within the limits of acceptability.

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 6 months ago (1 children)

I mean, the many half races in DnD implies that most races arent anatomically incompatible

[–] [email protected] 4 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (4 children)

There's rules for that and in this case nope.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Minotaur and Centaur is a nope, but Minotaur and dragon is a yes!

And clearly biped

[–] [email protected] 4 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

Now Centaur plus dragon

Human genes seem to be recessive

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 6 months ago

Fiction can be whatever you want it to be. There's no Right way to depict fantasy races/creatures.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Bathes as frequently as she hunts fish.

Bruh she has two toned hair and it looks good. That woman knows how to use hair dye well. I bet she bathes every day. Or every second day, goblins probably have healthier bathing habits than humans. Humans are so obsessed with cleanliness they don't give their bodies time to apply its own natural measures. You're not supposed to wash your hair with shampoo every day, you'll damage it. And no conditioner above the neck. Your hair's natural oils will come in and you'll have healthy locks that shine. Constantly stripping your hair's natural oils away will just make you dependent on shampoo and conditioner.

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 6 months ago

You had me at smells like shit

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[–] [email protected] 48 points 6 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 4 points 6 months ago

I'd marry goblin slayer

[–] [email protected] 12 points 6 months ago

If a ~~cute goblin~~ woman wanted to claim me as her husband, I probably wouldn't say no.

FTFY

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