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I belong nowhere. (hexbear.net)

submitted 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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Personality and lifestyle-wise, I'm way too liberal for the communists. Beliefs, values, and ideals wise, I'm way too communist for the liberals

I'm hardly interested in the "stereotypical" autistic culture but I'm also way too autistic for allistic people

Don't fit in with white people at all but also don't fit in with my racial group because the way they live out their identity and culture is purely through liberal consumerism. Also, EVERY young Westerner is a white supremacist to some degree, even ALL the minorities, unless they're a far left communist

Too bourgeoisified to fit in with most working class but I'm also way too class conscious and radicalized to fit in with peers of the same socioeconomic status

Not queer enough to fit in with the queer community and much too queer to fit in with cishet people

Honestly, I was infinitely happier when I was living life as a fully masking cishet liberal. I actually felt a much stronger sense of belonging back then. The more I learn about myself and try to live true to my heart, the more and more I suffer

I want to go back to when I didn't know anything about the world or myself.

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 7 months ago (2 children)

I think the last 4/5 times I casually brought up Tiktok to acquaintances/strangers they say something about the Chinese communists controlling our youths or spreading propaganda

Half the times somebody asks me what phone I have and I tell them it's a Xiaomi or OnePlus they make some joke about spyware

People will mock me for supporting child labor when I answer that I got my clothes from Shein while they're decked out in Uniqlo and Nike

People regularly talk about their travel overseas in Africa with sadness that they'll never be able to be civilized or democratic because they're too poor. They talk about how suspicious and sketchy things are in South Asia/SEA while describing scenarios that are super normal and harmless, just culturally different

You don't even know where I live, you don't know what experiences I've had

I'm holding people up to 0 standards, it's just that very little people meet the already in the ground bar that I have

Also, people I meet from non-Western countries pass that bar way, way more fucking often than Americans do. Even Canadians pass the bar significantly more often than Americans do. So no, I don't try and see enemies everywhere I go

Don't even for a second say that Americans are not one of the most xenophobic and racist people

[–] [email protected] 8 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (2 children)

I understand. I feel the same way a lot of the time. I'm sorry about that other person, they were obviously frustrated but being dismissive of your lived experience and throwing it in your face just because you didn't immediately accept their vague sentiments isn't fair.

I'm the only non-white person in my team at work. My manager and several members of my team have always treated me with more scrutiny, more suspicion, less leeway than they give any of the others. Less professional courtesy in general. I didn't invent these enemies, I tried to fit in the best I could but there's something ingrained inside of them that tells them that I'm lesser than they are and they act on it. That's just in a work environment, now just imagine how much worse it is in a social setting.

So I understand. It's not as simple as just "seeing people as friends rather than enemies." Sometimes what you choose to see people as doesn't change anything, unless the solution being advocated is for you to diminish your own dignity and self and blind yourself to people's hostilities towards you. Which is what we all do anyway. It doesn't make you feel any more accepted.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 7 months ago

Thanks for seeing me and understanding cat-trans

[–] [email protected] 4 points 7 months ago

I am white so take this with a grain of saltine, but at no point did I try to imply that people who are bigots deserve an ounce of OP's attention or respect. Apologies if I didn't understand they needed validation instead of advice, you know we cracker s give the best advice.