I'm a tech lead developer. But the past couple of years I've been looking high and low for sustainable work. The most I've gotten is projects people pulled from their back pocket because they felt sorry for me.
I've been at this opportunity search for years now...not just months. I can't pay for my health insurance anymore and my diet is 90% peanut butter sandwiches.
What hasn't worked: following the "formula" everyone tells you to follow. Reach out to the recruiter, talk to the hiring manager, get a take-home assessment (I always decline these), then maybe get hired. Perhaps it's because my mind tends to work more like a business owner--the closer I can get to taking ownership of projects the happier I am.
For the longest time I didn't talk to recruiters. They'd be the first step in a company wasting my time. I realized this is because the employer is paying for the recruiter. The recruiter is getting paid by the employer and could be completely blind to how much of a jerk the employer is.
So I decided, you know what? Tech pays a boat load of money. Even if half my paycheck were spent on someone I'd still have a heck of a lot left for savings. What if I worked with a reverse recruiter.
Better yet, several!
So I've started the rounds. I am hiring recruiters to work for me. I was very transparent with the fact that I'm talking with others, and said whoever gets me a position first wins and gets the royalty.
I'll even generate more competition further down the line. Once I'm financially stable I'll continue to work with the recruiters and offer to pay them again for yet another position. Generate competition with my current employer.
I'm sick of being looked over. It's about time I took the reigns.
Maybe instead of declining take home assessments, then, you ask for an accommodation for an alternate assessment citing your anxiety as a disorder. If nothing else, it'll have them think.
Though, regarding your data. You've gotten 12 jobs that you got without an assessment. Which... well, that sounds like a lot of jobs. Yet you say you're eating peanut butter. So... were those 12 jobs... kind of shit? Plus, getting passed over 20 times is... not that much in tech, unfortunately. So... I kinda think you should ignore that data?
I've asked for accommodations. Even offered ideas for accomodations. Not a single company has been willing to budge.
I've also found companies that have unpaid labor (I.e. take home assignments) as part of their process brush off any interest in truly helping the team. After any interview, no matter how I'm treated, I always try to follow up with the team months down the line to see if the hire they went with wed helping them, and if they had any issues and needed a hand I'd be there to help them.
I still do this. I'll occasionally check in with teams that rejected me because I "wasn't a good fit." Without exception, any company that had an inflexible hiring process doesn't respond to my check ins (and it's not "oh I'm way too busy?" because I'll see a string of "too busy" social media posts like memes days afterward).
Keep in mind this isn't just a weekend event where I've experienced this. I've interacted with HUNDREDS of companies. My experience is my experience.
It all boils down to this: if a company can't see that I don't have their success in mind, they never will. I need to just keep searching until I find my own tribe. I've gotten very good at getting a "gut feeling" early when a company doesn't value what I can provide for them.
My tribe is out there. I just need to keep looking.