shitposting

LYNCHBURG, TN—Saying the spirit had been blended with construction workers, farmers, and airline pilots in mind, distiller Jack Daniel’s unveiled a new whiskey Thursday designed to be consumed while operating heavy machinery. “Whether it’s a forklift, dump truck, or crane, nothing lightens the load of handling large industrial equipment like Jack Daniel’s Blue-Collar Label Whiskey,” said company spokesperson Luke Montgomery, who added that the white oak barrel-aged whiskey also takes the edge off for workers operating a drilling rig in a coal mine or on an offshore oil platform. “It’s perfect for sipping discreetly from a thermos while barreling down a cornfield in a combine harvester toward screaming farmhands, or down a runway in an Airbus 320 toward screaming baggage handlers. The next time you’re in the business district of a major city swinging around a 12,000-pound wrecking ball, consider the bold, distinct flavor of Jack Daniel’s.” Company officials later clarified that the new Jack Daniel’s was perfect for “plain old drinking and driving” too.