Am I the Asshole?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Maleficent_Reason132 on 2024-10-12 01:40:04.

My mother taught me how to sew and bake at an early age. Consequently i would say I'm pretty good at both. Since i got married,my inlaws have occasionally asked me to hem dresses for them, and to bake cookies or cupcakes for random events. I didn't mind because i would take it as a compliment that they would want me to do this for them.

However, recently my sister in law has taken up thrifting, so she has been dropping off about three items a week for me to alter. And my mother in law started a new job about 4 months ago, and she has asked me to bake for her monthly work potlucks.

I have never charged them, but my sil will bring me Starbucks and my mil will bring me the ingredients for whatever i am baking. The truth is that i am now feeling resentful about being expected to do things for them, when they could just learn how to do this themselves. I have offered to teach them, but they always say that they don't need to learn since they like the way i do things.

This month i told them that i could still help them with each project but they have to stay and hang out with me while i do them. This way they can watch and learn so they can eventually do it on their own. I told my mil what day and time to be at my home so we can bake the cupcakes together. She said she might not be able to. So i said "if you dont come hang out then you'll have to stop by a bakery and buy them instead".

Two weeks ago my sil dropped off 2 dresses for me to alter the hem,and i told her that I'll get to them whenever she can come over and watch how i do it. She said she would let me know, but hasn't yet. She didn't look too happy with this.

We all get along and i know they like me, and I know that it's not that they dont want to hang out with me, its just that they don't want to learn. I think they just want me to keep doing it for them.

After i told my husband about all this, he implied that i was mean for changing how i do things. And that if I dont want to do these projects for them, then just say so. I think it's only fair. Im sure my inlaws also think that im the a-hole for my new expectations. So AITA?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/spgtAlts on 2024-10-12 15:42:26.

So I'm a little new to my job, I work as overnight maintenance (basically a janitor) at a grocery store. The other day my coach told me I needed to sweep a specific area. Half-way through a co-worker told me that I didn't need to sweep part of the area, and being a bit new and being kinda unsure of it myself, I went with it. Turns out I did need to sweep the area, my coach got upset at me for not sweeping there, and I explained that my coworker told me not to.

Apparently my coworker got mad at that, and thinks he didn't say not to sweep there, now he's refusing to talk to me at all. This usually wouldn't be an issue, but we don't have a team lead right now, and we need to divvy up the work somehow (deciding who sweeps what, who does the bathrooms etc etc), plus its team job, and severing communication just makes things a lot harder. There’s also nights where it’s just me and him, so that makes it very difficult as well.

I would apologize, but I don’t wanna be a pushover here (as bad as that says, but especially in this job where doing so can get you the short end of the stick), and I vividly remember the conversation of him telling me to. Plus he was quite rude to me after, basically saying he’d be happy to see me go and that he’s going to file harassment on me for getting upset over him giving me the silent treatment. 

I mean, whoever's right about that specific conversation, it’s not like either of us would have gotten in big trouble for it anyway. I feel like he’s being immature, he doesn’t have to like me, but he can’t just make the job harder for both of us right?

(side note cause someone will probably ask, but I did talk to my manager about it, minorly helpful, but not really much I can use. Also yeah I probably shouldn’t have just trusted my coworker on it)

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Difficult-Ratio3755 on 2024-10-12 15:36:38.

Let’s call my friend John and his girlfriend Jane. John and I got really close in college, and we became even tighter after living together post-graduation. Naturally, I became good friends with Jane too, as I’d often third-wheel their hangouts (or as she joked, she’d be the one third-wheeling me and John). I’m telling you this to paint a picture of how close we all are.

John’s always been into drugs since we met. It started out light, with him just being a big stoner in college, but over time, he began experimenting with heavier stuff like Xanax, cocaine, etc. You’d think it would drag him down, but John’s sharp and charismatic. He was always a functioning user. He graduated fine, landed a solid job, and seemed to have it together.

The real trouble started when he got into opioids: Oxy, Percs, anything he could get his hands on. It started gradually but has since developed into a full-blown addiction. I’ve expressed my concerns over the years, and he always tells me he’s going to quit. He’s made countless promises to get clean, but none of them have stuck. I’ve supported him through every failed attempt, but the cycle has repeated so much that I’ve become kind of numb to his pledges of sobriety.

Here’s the kicker: recently, John has started using fentanyl, and as you probably know, that’s a game-changer. Before, he was still functioning, but now he’s been laid off from his job and is showing signs of depression (he stays inside all day, gambles online, and isolates himself from friends). Without any income, he’s been borrowing money from me to fund his habit. He claims it’s for bills, but I know what it’s really for. I feel trapped — I know I’m enabling his addiction, but saying no to someone I see as a brother feels impossible when I see how desperate he is.

Now, about Jane. She’s a great person and has a lot going for her. John really lucked out. While I only hang out with her when John’s around, I’ve gotten to know her well enough to consider her an actual friend irrespective of our ties to John. She’s aware of John’s drug use, but she doesn’t know the full extent like I do, especially his fentanyl addiction. John hides it well from her.

This is where I need advice: since I don’t live with John anymore, I can’t keep tabs on him like I used to. He tells me he’s tapering off the fentanyl, but I have no way of knowing if that’s true. I’m starting to think the best way to help him would be to tell Jane so that she can monitor him and help hold him accountable. But here’s the issue: John has told me that his relationship with Jane has been rocky lately, and I’m worried that telling her could lead to them breaking up, causing John to spiral even further.

TL;DR: My best friend is addicted to fentanyl, and his life is unraveling. I’m considering telling his girlfriend, but I’m worried it would feel like a betrayal and might cause a breakup that would make his addiction even worse.

What would you do in this situation? Is telling Jane the right move? Or should I handle this differently?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Heracles180 on 2024-10-12 15:28:10.

Me (24M) and my older brother (29M) are in a tough spot right now: He currently unemployed, massively in debt and is a cocaine addict, on top of that, we know that he's been stealing from my father's business, and also stole 4 thousand from me throughout the year. I work as a school teacher, although recently I worked four months just to pay the credit card bill that my brother blew up (he went through my wallet, took my cc and registered on his phone). My father has hope that my brother can get better with treatment, but my brother keeps avoiding the question and insists on seeing a therapist and taking medication. I say to my father that's bullshit and that he's just taking advantage of my father.

FFT last week, my father gave my brother money to spend the weekend. Me and my brother are home, my brother asks for some fast-food, and insists on me paying for it, since he forgot his credit card and phone "somewhere". I deny it to him several times. After being denied, my brother tries to take my wallet, I wrestle with him and take it back, after this, he goes for my phone, and calls our father. He makes himself the victim, calling me petty and egoistic and that I'm leaving him to "starve". I tell what happened, and say that he doesn't deserve a cent. My father says that I would pay, but reassures me he'll pay me back the money.

After this little victory, my brother goes out the house calling me an asshole and a drama queen. I later call my father, and say to him that he doesn't need the money nor does he need to eat junk, since there's food at home. My father said that he would talk to him, however nothing of the sort happened from the following days.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/ashalee45 on 2024-10-12 15:27:04.

Long story short, I have had this friend who I’ve known for about 10 years now, and we always talked about being involved in each other’s weddings. We use to be really close friends, but the last couple of years we have really drifted apart. She got married at a courthouse and didn’t have me involved with her day, and now I’m getting married this upcoming August. Over the last couple of years after I got engaged, we would talk about her being a bridesmaid, but I never formally asked her due to my uncertainty if I wanted to have her apart of my day. For a number of various reasons, I had decided that I wanted people in my wedding party (which is only going to be three people since my Fiancė is only having three groomsmen) who have supported me and have been there for me these past couple of years in my wedding party, and she wasn’t one of those people. I politely sent her a text the other day letting her know my Fiancė and I were keeping our wedding party small, and even though she wasn’t going to be a bridesmaid, I still wanted her involved in my big day. Annnnnd it didn’t go well 😅, she feels replaced and doesn’t know where we go from here as friends. But, it is my day, and I should be able to choose who I want to be up by my side on my day.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Loose_Blackberry1638 on 2024-10-12 15:23:57.

I (17f) have four siblings. Eldest is my half sister (19) and younger siblings are my full brothers (14 and 12). Mom is my half sister's stepmom. Dad was married before. His first wife died because of a rupture during the delivery. They saved my half sister, but couldn't save her mom. Six months later my parents met and 8 months after that they were married.

My mom and half sister always had a pretty okay relationship. She never called her mom or another mom-like title. She always used mom's first name. When she says mom she means her mom who died. She has a really close relationship with her mom's side of the family. She'd go to see them a lot and was kept very much a part of their family. I remember her loving that time when we were younger and begging for more. My parents believe that her mom's family might have been a big reason why she never called mom 'mom' and why she wasn't super close to me or my brothers. My half sister always made the half and step distinction and that confused a lot of people. Some extended family members would make a point to tell her mom was raising her. But she always said mom was her stepmom not her mom.

Things got more clear 2/3 years ago. My half sister made it so clear she doesn't consider mom one of her actual parents. She was interviewed for the school newsletter because she was captain of one of our school teams and when asked about her parents she talked a lot about dad, mentioned her mom a few times but never mentioned my mom. She gave dad the credit for raising her. Not my mom at all. She also did a personal essay on what it's like growing up without a mom. Then when she graduated she only listed dad under her parents. She didn't list mom at all and when asked she said she didn't list mom because she would never mention her and not her mom. But they had a rule about not listing parents who died several years ago... or something.

My half sister is in college now and she doesn't live with us anymore. Since she moved out she spends more time with her maternal family and while she hasn't gone no contact, really makes more of an effort with dad than the rest of us, even mom. This upset mom. She feels like she was discarded and like the maternal family have helped push her out. A few days ago she suggested I could bring up the distance to my half sister. I told her I don't want to get involved. Mom asked if it didn't bother me. I told her I think she deserves more recognition but I'm not close to my half sister so getting involved just seems like it's drama and it's not like she cares what I think. I also told her I don't know what it's like from my half's sister's POV so it feels wrong. So I won't interfere.

My dad told me I could have handled that talk with mom better and should have shown more sensitivity.

AITA?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/throwra87910 on 2024-10-12 15:14:43.

To keep it short and sweet, my wife has moved on after years of us having a bad marriage. I decided to try and reconcile this summer not knowing or realizing she was already involved with someone else. We still live together. We do day to day life together. We depend on one another. Despite all of that she’s adamant that she’s no longer married and she wants a divorce. I’ve been coping with it as best I can but it’s been a really painful experience.

To make matters worse she’s not very good at concealing her plans so I found out that she’s planning to spend her bday weekend with this man. She’s been down playing it and asking why I can’t watch the kids for her and my response is I’m not in space to watch the children for your BAEday Weekend. It’s all too soon and too much for me honestly.

As a result she’s upset and feels like I’m putting a damper on her weekend. I told her months ago to properly prepare and have sitters because I’d likely be out of town myself. I need to get as far away from her as possible and busy myself so I don’t think about it as much.

So let me know. AITA? Childish? Petty? If the shoe was on the other foot she’s already said she wouldn’t do it. What about you all?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/iswearimtrying607 on 2024-10-12 15:11:41.

Will (23, fake name) plans to propose to me (F26) at the end of the month. We both want a meaningful proposal with a few close friends.

Will is not close to his family at all and is indifferent to his parents being there. But his mom is adamant that she, his dad, and his older sister be there. She didn't even ask him; she just said that she must be there as soon as she saw the ring.

I don't want his mom to be there because she can be dramatic and overbearing. I feel like I have to be on my best behaviour when I'm around her and I can't act natural. I want to be relaxed at the proposal, not have to guard my behaviour because I'm worried about her reactions or what she might be thinking about me.

Will and I are both Hispanic, first-generation Americans, and traditional Catholics, so I understand how important it is to honour your parents and family. His mom is also Catholic and I think she genuinely cares about our souls and well-being. But the way she cares is too much for me.

She is constantly overstepping others' boundaries. She treats Will like a child. When she isn't included in his personal, health, and financial plans, she cries and says things like, how could you do this to me?

His dad and sister are pretty quiet with me and even with Will. I think they would be fine with not being there. But they always side with his mom's wishes when Will makes his own decisions in similar situations.

My Catholic parents are fine with not being there and said that this should be a special moment for us. That I should be able to look back on it with happiness.

I might be TA because marriage is supposed to be about bringing families together and it is not uncommon to have family at proposals. And we are inviting friends so it won't be just the two of us. It might be insulting to not allow his family there and could cause a rift between our families.

Will hasn't told her yet and I know she is going to be extremely upset. He wants me to consider allowing her there just so we don't have to deal with the aftermath, especially while trying to plan the wedding, which we include her in.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/ABEKingOfSausage on 2024-10-12 15:07:08.

My wife says this is a A-hole move, I feel otherwise. When we purchased this house 25 years ago we had one diseased tree in the front yard that we removed. Since then we have kept a low maintenance front yard, i enjoyed raising my family over raising my lawn. That being said, on windy days i take 5 mins and blow everyone else’s leaves into the street. They can have them back. In 25 years no one has complained or said anything, and we are all friendly on the block (block parties, dinners , vacations , wife swaps)

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Appropriate_Hair7518 on 2024-10-12 14:47:09.

I (27f) and my partner (28m) are planning a new bathroom. I suggested we go to look at bathroom shops and he begrudgingly agreed. I knew he would lag so planned in a trip to a bakery as a treat to break up visits.

At the shop before the bakery, he said he needed to pee. He has an undiagnosed but real issue of suddenly needing to pee quickly and at that point I also needed to go too! I suggested we still go to the bakery after anyway as there was likely a toilet there and it was just around the corner. The bakery was in a courtyard, each unit doesn't have its own toilet but there is usually one for the complex, we just needed to ask where. He refused to ask the server while we were in the queue (around a 5-minute wait), so I suggested he go to the petrol station over the road as I've used theirs before. I wait in the line for 5 mins, collect the goods and asked for the toilet and I used it. I message my partner to let him know there was one there too.

When leaving, I call him to say there is a loo and if he still needed, he could use it. He said he was in the petrol station waiting behind someone to go to the toilet. I say I'd drive over and pick him up and asked if he would like to go to a vintage market after, he said 'yeah if I can use this toilet'. I then walk to the car and drive over thinking all was fine. When arriving he calls to ask where I am, I was at the petrol station. He'd walked back to the bakery despite me saying I’d get him, and he said he didn't use the petrol station toilet because it was locked. I asked whether he asked the staff, he said no. I am then annoyed, he just needed to ask at both places to use the toilet, but he refused. I understand he would be stressed because he would need to go but it was frustrating that he wouldn't advocate for himself.

I raise my voice on the phone and say this is ridiculous. I was also just frustrated because I knew he'd want to go straight home, and he would be hurt that I got annoyed. When driving home, he said he'd never agreed to go to a market afterwards, that I always get annoyed when plans don't go my way, that I treat him poorly considering his condition, and never appreciate this is a need of his that I need to support and accommodate. He thought it was selfish of me to go to the bakery despite not being 100% sure there was a toilet there and that it was unreasonable for him to ask a server while still in the queue. I felt hurt, this was a nice trip out that had turned sour, I presented two options to solve the issue, and I had managed to go to the toilet so felt that this was avoidable. I also felt that to just go home was annoying as there was another bathroom shop planned on the list which was now written off. I was also conscious that he lay the blame at my feet and that he still needed to go to the bathroom he was growing in discomfort.

AITA?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/RAThrowTumbleweed944 on 2024-10-12 14:45:38.

Debating how to handle this.

Fairly certain my GF 29F completely forgot it's my bday 34M. We talked about it a week ago a little (she asked me what I wanted) but that's it.

In her defense she does have quite a bit going on today, works a double, and on top of that isn't feeling good.

I saw her this morning to make her a smoothie and say HI before her early shift and she didn't say a word nor did she seem to have any clue. (she works at a breakfast place so has to get up super early, so I typically get up and go to her place to make her a smoothie, grab the dogs, and help out before she leaves)

A part of me doesn't want to say anything at all bc she's been very self absorbed lately and I'm feeling like she really doesnt actually care about me much, and this is a situationship, bc I'm a huge help and convenience for her (Her words when we fight started this train of thought). I genuinely love this person but a part of me is starting to understand she may not feel the same, bc it is rare she shows it through action or effort. Yes she is busy and tired and doesn't feel good often. Seems there is always an excuse when it comes towards putting efforts towards me.

She'll likely eventually hear about it through the grapevine, but I'm not on social media so it might take a while, I'm sure one of my friends will end up outting me when we are at her work tonight. Almost guaranteed it'll cause her to get mad at me for not reminding her but I'm a little hurt she forgot and am at a loss. I'm sure many of you will say kick rocks and move on or the other extreme of I'm manipulating things bc I have a good idea how she'll feel when she finds out, but I'm genuinely curious how to handle this with tact.

Another piece of me is absolutely unforgiving with it and wants to just move on and find someone who will make me feel seen and cared about consistently without excessive expectation. But I hate dumping people when they're in a rough time, I always feel I owe them the gift of patience especially when their life is quite stressful.(even if it's all mostly self inflicted stress).

Thought about doing the extreme, and just going ghosty if she doesn't say a word. Just "POOF" move on.

I do want it to be a good day, normally my Bday sucks and I don't really celebrate anymore, but I don't want to end up being made out to be the bad guy for her forgetting and me not reminding her.

Anyway, cheers to 34.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Own-Fudge-5811 on 2024-10-12 14:25:48.

My parents have paid for me to go to college in the US for four years. My parents had better financial situation that my father stopped working to start a business. The business has not been successful so During last year my father took a big portion to his retirement to pay for my school and brother. Now we graduated and my parents ask us to contribute to support my youngest brother go through college in USA despite the new financial situation. My parents always mentioned if someone struggles we should help but never specified how much. Me and my brother are doing our best to support youngest through college and give a large of our savings or sometimes entire monthly saving to support my brother through his 4 year degree. I helped my brother get scholarships and persuaded him to go to a cheaper college which he ended up going after long argument because that is the only college he got accepted to.

However, my youngest is doing some work during school. He is using that money only to buy new technologies or trips back home or to other countries with his friend. I get frustrated because I struggle to provide for my wife needs and son. I have a lot of medical debts and that kind of hurts me. When I explain. To my parents they say this is my fault and not anyone's.

What do you advise?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Torc_Soulburn on 2024-10-12 14:14:09.

Four years ago, during the pandemic, I came across a twitch channel. For obvious reasons I will not reveal her username. Over time we had become pretty good friends, we got eachothers jokes/movie and music references, and generally just had alot of fun! The friendship grew and I thought for once, perhaps I found a true friend. Fast forward to about a year ago. She decides to start dating someone she met online, and I REALLY tried to be friendly n shit with him.

Now, for context, my "friend" was pretty adamant on being politically correct and accepting, not allowing hatespeech, bullying etc on their channel/discord. Things were fine until I heard him use the N word several times, along with other derogatory words and slurs. When I said something to her about it, I became the bad guy.

That probably started his resentment towards me. He would get jealous and salty when she and I had inside jokes or laughed together, to the point where his main interaction with me was either making fat jokes at my expense, and overall just taking shots at me whenever he could. He justifies his use of the N word because "he grew up in the hood" -- in today's society, is it acceptable for someone who is NOT BLACK to behave in such a way?

After months of observing so many red flags and with her either blind to it or just won't acknowledge it... I spoke up. I called her out and basically tried to get her to see this dude is a piece of shit. KEEP IN MIND I am not romantically interested in her, I just thought we were damn near besto friendos. After I said my piece, I was banned, blocked, exiled.

Nobody was willing to speak truthfully to her and after my execution, likely no one ever will again. Nobody is gonna see this, and likely won't be believed since she has likely spun some bullshit story to her community why I'm suddenly gone. Am I the asshole?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/DonutMurky6344 on 2024-10-12 14:12:38.

I am the oldest daughter (28) in a household of divorced immigrant parents and she is the youngest.

My sister (20) no longer wanted to live with our father and she left to my mother’s and then decided she did not want to be there either. I told her she could move in with me.

She moves in & does not help with anything financially at my place. A few weeks after moving in she gets a part time job and still won’t help w/ anything. (Not even the groceries that she ate.) I set boundaries and tell her she has to pay me 100 a month to stay. She never pays and l let it be.

She’s always been irresponsible, I was planing on living abroad for a year (I work from home) l tell her I will be leaving her in the apartment and she has to pay 700 dollars a month. My rent is 1445 and all utilities are included in the rent and I left all furniture there. She agrees cause what 20yo doesn’t want an apartment for themselves in a city where renting a bedroom goes for 1600+ a month.

All goes well for a few months, she is paying her part of the rent. However 6 months in I find out she moved her BF into my apartment (she said only for 2 weeks while he found an apartment but he was already at my place for a week & couldn’t find a place, he also had no money because supposedly his friend who he used to live with was renting him a room and took his money and gave up the apartment he had leaving him broke and homeless).

I find out cause a cousin needed a place to crash for a few weeks. (my cousin paid rent for the time he stayed) I find out about this on the phone with her while I am out of the country. I am upset so l tell her they need to pay the full sum of the apartment since he is living there and I am not going to pay for her and her man to live in my one bedroom apartment when I am not even living there and they both work and she says no. my mother agrees with her, saying my sister is doing me a favor by paying part of the rent while I am away (I can afford my apartment just fine on my own) Because I make more money and my sister can’t keep a job and only does low paying jobs and her boyfriend couldn’t keep a job either what I was doing asking her to pay the apartment was wrong. My mother calls me a bad person, demon child and bad mouths me and talked horrible things to anyone who would listen. She said “she can move anyone in because she is paying for her side of the apartment.”

(Against my mother’s wishes I got her and her man to split the rent in 3 (my rent is 1445. My cousin stayed for 2 months and he paid the 3rd part. When my cousin left I told her she had to pay the full sum and she said no. My mother treated me like shit. I only had 9 months left of my lease so I agreed to pay the third part. While still not living in the 1 bedroom apartment)

FYI she broke up with the guy and now I find out she didn't even like him enough/at all. Yet she ruined our relationship for that. She still won't apologize and continues to say I am dramatic and over reacting.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Seanwys on 2024-10-12 14:03:14.

My friends have been trying so hard to convince me to join them on a trip out of state as a little reunion however there is an assessment for a career opportunity that is very important to me less than a week later. Because of that I decided to dedicate my remaining time to prepare myself for the assessment in hopes of improving my chances at securing a job. At the same time my friends are borderline emotionally blackmailing me and failing to be supportive of my decision which led to me leaving the group chat to focus on what I believe is significantly more important than a few friends who refuse to respect my decision.

I feel very conflicted and awful because they are all my close friends and it really is a rare opportunity to be able to spend some time with them but this career opportunity is also rare and equally important to me. I’m feeling a lot of pressure from both sides and either decision doesn’t make me feel good. If I decide to go on the trip with my friends, I will most definitely not be able to enjoy myself when I could potentially by preparing for the assessment. If I don’t go on the trip and focus on my preparation, my friends will most definitely hate me and I’ll lose a few of my close friends.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/thercery on 2024-10-12 13:46:45.

So...

Me (30,F) and my roommate and long-time best friend (31, F) share a house. It largely works. We have our ups and downs. Lately it's mostly her misinterpreting my neutral and making them into downs, and me doing vice versa. We're working on it and just shared Chinese food and are otherwise quite good at squashing beef.

BUT. A few nights ago I found the probable source of a long-standing fly problem. We have had flies throughout our three-floor house for awhile now, but especially in the kitchen and basement. We've been combating it. She buys tools and traps, and I find the little places they hide and clean them. We are a vicious and effective team.

However, I found that the Litter Genie receptacle she uses for our downstairs litter box was FULL of both flies and gnats. They coated the top of the lid. I pulled it out, opened it up, gagged, and ran upstairs. I refused to go back down and emphasized that this was her fault and it needs to be addressed. She said she'd get to it after her workday. I said " well, there's currently a huge amount of flies NOW" and she hopped off of her work desk and addressed it. She was passive aggressive the whole evening after, but owned up that yeah she probably should've been more attentive. Mind you, I've never been on board with the whole "keep the shit in a container for ages because it's easy! :D" concept, and have told her, multiple times, that I don't like it.

I emphatically told her I have always thought the Litter Genie was a stupid product; she replied that it wasn't, but that it got bad because the bags are expensive and she didn't replace them like she should. I insisted she SHOULD throw them away, but reassured that I can't control what she does/won't do it myself and won't force a change.

We still have the Litter Genie. In theory it's going to be better; I've promised to work harder to take on some of the load of multiple daily scoops.

But man. Shit sitting in a bucket seems like a fly trap regardless, and I KEEP. TRYING. to tell her. It's like it's bouncing off a wall.

A day later we had a conversation about sharing responsibilities/helping with daily tasks, and she let slip at the end of an otherwise-productive and civil talk that she "doesn't have her hopes up" when I stated that I'd stop being as lazy as I'd been and pick up more of the slack. I asked why the f*ck she'd say that and told her it made the entire conversation prior seem like a bad-faith waste of time.

AITA for harshly asking her to admit to her mistake, fix our huge fly problem, throw away the obvious source of our fly issue? Am I in the wrong for insisting we both need to step up?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Happy-Quail-5649 on 2024-10-12 05:23:58.

AITA for asking a friend not to come over this weekend?

I (27, female) live with a roommate (27, female) and we have a mutual friend (27, female) (platonic, but an amiable ex of roommate) who stays with us most weekends so we can hang out. The friend 'Sarah' lives in the city and we live in the suburb, so Sarah stays with us because it's easier than commuting. Roommate, 'Tori', has a cat. End context.

Last Saturday, my grandmother died. I am heartbroken, but due to various work events and time-sensitive things, I cannot take leave right now and have been powering through it, hoping to process the death properly on the weekend when I can take time to be sad and maybe have a drink or two. On Wednesday, my grandfather died. At this point my life feels like a cosmic joke, but I know that if I let myself grieve right now, I'm going to be unable to work and I can't afford that right now. So this weekend, I planned to remember them and grieve privately. I hate making a scene and empty pity makes me incredibly uncomfortable, so I don't typically let on when things like this happen.

I sent a message to a group chat that Tori, Sarah, and I are all in asking for the typical weekend hangout to happen at Sarah's place this weekend because work had been stressful and I needed some quiet, alone time. Sarah responds by asking if she could come over to the apartment for a bit because she "misses Gross [the cat]". I replied that I had just lost two grandparents, and I really needed the personal space.

Sarah responds again with this: "Oh no, I’m so sorry! That’s really hard. I totally hear that request and I don’t want to be a jerk, but might there be a couple hours when you’re already planning to be out of the apartment for something? I get that quiet need but I’d love to see Groose even for an hour or two"

I was flabbergasted and speechless. I honestly don't know how to respond. I didn't think it so unreasonable a request, but am I just being a jerk for breaking our weekly hangout?

TLDR: My grandparents died and I don't feel like socializing this weekend. My friend keeps insisting.

AITA?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Forsaken-Apricot-918 on 2024-10-12 05:21:14.

Am I in the wrong for helping my grandmother with her finances? I’ve been handling my homebound grandma’s bills and errands for nearly a year, using my own money initially and reimbursing myself from her account, with her permission. I always sent her updates, and she checked them against her bank statements. However, after getting pregnant and helping her move to a new apartment, I got behind on the updates.

Recently, she told me she wants someone else to manage her finances, and I heard her drunk neighbor accusing me of taking advantage of her. I was furious because I’ve been completely honest. I turned over all her financials and gave her back her card. Now she’s accusing me of making unauthorized transactions. I’m concerned this might lead to an investigation. I’ve kept records, but I’m pregnant and don’t need this stress. I even found that I’ve actually spent more out of pocket than I’ve reimbursed myself.

Now she’s telling people I stole from her. What should I do?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Wise_Lingonberry_879 on 2024-10-12 05:10:58.

This is going to be a bit of a ramble and it might not make much sense, but I really need some outsider opinions. I don't feel comfortable disclosing much about either of us personally. I'm posting this from a throwaway account.

I have severe autism, and my girlfriend (F) of about a year knows this, and knows that it effects my communication and how I conversate with people. Typically, I'll quickly mention my opinion on something about the subject, or find something to relate to about it to show I'm paying attention. However, recently she has expressed to me (quite harshly,) that it seems to her that I'm making it about myself.

The issue is, everything is always about her, throughout our entire relationship. She's always been a bit sensitive about things, and I've always done my best to accommodate that. However, any time I express I'm having a bad day, or that I'm stressed, or something large is happening, etc, it almost seems she's intentionally acting upset or in need. (note: I care for her and comfort her day and night, I think we've had more of me comforting her than conversations.)

I've never really had a day or event to myself without having to comfort her, and she does have a history of lying about things. I try really hard to trust her but it never ends up anywhere. She's making me feel as if I'm in the wrong for acting the way I do. I'm not trying to demonize her in any way, she does try her best, but tends to get distant and snappy during any kind of serious conversation.

I'm wondering if I really am the asshole for saying that, and if so, is there any other way I can show I'm paying attention/showing I have an interest in what she's saying?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Competitive-Region84 on 2024-10-12 05:00:53.

So, I’m (29M) a head chef at a pretty busy restaurant, and I’ve been working in kitchens for over a decade. I love my job, but it can be a high-stress environment, especially during the dinner rush. Recently, we’ve had some issues between the kitchen staff (my crew) and the front-of-house servers.

For context, servers at our place are notorious for being pretty demanding. They always want their tables’ orders out fast, which I get—that’s their job. But lately, a few of them have started getting way too comfortable walking into the kitchen and trying to tell us how to do our jobs.

For example, last week one of the servers (let’s call her Sarah, 24F) came back and re-plated one of the dishes because she “didn’t like the presentation.” She told me it looked “too messy” for her table of VIP guests. Keep in mind, this is a dish I’ve made the exact same way for months, and I’ve never had a single complaint about it. I told her the kitchen isn’t her space to control, and if she wants something changed, she needs to tell me first instead of messing with my food.

Then another server, Jake (22M), started coming into the kitchen and saying stuff like, “Hey, can you prioritize Table 3’s order? They’re in a rush,” as if we don’t already have a system in place for timing everything out. I get it, sometimes customers are impatient, but the servers don’t understand the flow of the kitchen, and them stepping in just throws everything off.

It all came to a head last night when we were slammed, and Sarah decided to tell one of my line cooks to remake a dish because “it looked overdone.” That was the last straw for me. I gathered all the servers after the shift and basically told them that they need to stop interfering with the kitchen’s workflow and stay out unless they’re delivering orders or asking about allergies/substitutions. I wasn’t rude, just firm.

Now, the servers are pissed, saying I’m being controlling and that it’s their job to make sure the customers get the best experience. They’ve been gossiping that I’m a “kitchen tyrant” and even complained to the owner, who’s staying neutral but said I should “try to keep things harmonious.”

A few of my kitchen staff think I was totally right to set boundaries, but now I feel like I’m stuck in this battle between keeping the kitchen efficient and not alienating the front-of-house team.

So, AITA for telling the servers to stop meddling in the kitchen?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/rob-her-dinero on 2024-10-12 04:40:23.

I (29M) went with my friend (37F) and my husband (28M) to see a movie last night - specifically Terrifier 3. If you aren’t familiar with the movies, they are horror films that focus a lot on the blood and gore and consistently push the envelope with their graphic practical effects. The first one was already pretty uncomfortable, the second was disgusting, and going into the third one I knew was going to be even more over-the-top. I loved the first two, though, and if the films escalated in the same way or at the same pace, the third would have been a blast.

However, without spoiling it, the first 20-30 minutes of the movie was some of the most uncomfortable media I have ever consumed. While the first two balanced the horrific violence with a creepy villain and lots of humor, the opening of this movie was just bleak and exploitative shock value for the sake of shock value - the kind made just for people to say “I watched Terrifier 3 and liked it because that stuff doesn’t bother me” and it’s a red flag. If you have ever seen or heard of A Serbian Film, kind of like that.

Honestly the remaining 90 minutes was great. Disgusting, and definitely far more intense than the first two, but in the way I was expecting and excited for. Unfortunately, because the first part was so upsetting, I was overwhelmed and exhausted. I had a hard time letting go of that and enjoying the depravity.

Leaving the theater, I was silent. I did not have a good time and I didn’t really want to talk about the film. However, my husband and my friend were both raving about it - how funny it was, how disgusting it was, discussing the parts that made them cover their eyes or squirm. And I was just silent.

When we got in the car, I told my husband that I did not have a good time and was kind of surprised by his and my friend’s reactions. He explained why he enjoyed it and said I sounded a bit judgmental. I told him no, just didn’t like it.

But really I am judging both of them - especially my friend for how much she was laughing throughout the film, including the most unnecessary parts. I just don’t understand finding enjoyment out of some of the scenes in the opening, and I don’t think it’s normal. But also, my husband says I just shouldn’t have gone to see the movie if I couldn’t handle some of the content in it, and that I can’t judge someone for enjoying it.

So, am I the asshole for judging my friend?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/m22211 on 2024-10-12 04:36:01.

This happened 2 months ago, but I(F22) just saw him(M31) on a dating app and all emotions came back.

We met in May and had an amazing first date. Our first time having sex didn’t go well (it was my first)—it was very painful for me, and he was only able to penetrate me for a few seconds while saying, “I know it hurts, but you need to tolerate it.” He later disappeared for 5 days and said he was leaning towards ending things because he felt like he was forcing sex on me and that I wasn’t in the moment.

I told him I didn’t feel forced, and we tried sex again. At this point, we hadn’t discussed exclusivity but before having sex I asked if he saw this as casual, and he said he saw us as something long-term. The day after, he went on a date with someone he knew in the past while on a trip. They kissed, but he said the date didn’t go well. He said we were on different pages but agreed to be exclusive. He was evasive, and when I asked if he would hook up with someone if they texted first, he said it would depend on if he had a crush on them. I let it go, and we had sex that night.

After this, he texted me normally and then disappeared for days and only replied because I lashed out and called him immature. He said he felt indignant about the exclusivity situation and was taking it out by ignoring me.

Two days later, we met up and talked. He said he likes taking things slow (ie regretted agreeing to exclusivity). He said he likes me, wants something long-term, and I’m not a placeholder.

We tried to have sex in his car, but he almost put it in the wrong hole. I didn’t say anything because I thought he wouldn’t confuse the two, but I was wrong. I told him, and he said he didn’t know and that “it fit.” He tried again in the right spot, but I wasn’t turned on, and it hurt. I was uncomfortable at this point so I got up, put my clothes on, and gave him a blowjob, but I couldn’t swallow. I put my shoes on right away to step out because I needed to breathe. He was upset and said he felt used, and that people usually cuddle after. I apologised and tried to explain myself but he was upset to the point he took his cigarette out and started smoking and walked out of the car to “calm down”. He said, “This is barely three dates and we’re having this many back and forths.” He also said I seemed to enjoy being right, which scared him. I apologized and said I had difficulty saying no to sex tonight, which pissed him off. He said he felt like I was forcing myself to have sex with him and that we’re not communicating well. Eventually, he said, “I don’t think we should see each other again".

The next day, I was emotional and sent a text apologizing again, saying I’m open to a pause for weeks/months, which I regret.

Seeing him on a dating app confirmed he doesn’t care, and I feel like I lost my dignity sending that text. I wonder if I was the asshole for not giving him aftercare or if he never liked me and was going to end it anyway. Was I the problem, and now he’ll happily date someone better? I feel like I lost my dignity either way.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Ecstatic-Nectarine-2 on 2024-10-12 04:34:14.

I'm a gay man, I met a guy in a bar on Thursday that I recognized. He came and started chatting, I very much enjoyed the convo and asked him back to my place afterward. He came over, we were both pretty drunk, drank more, passed out and then did some light fooling around the next morning. I made him food and he left around 2pm, and I told him that maybe I'd text him later that night to see what he was up to. I did around 10 and he wanted to see me again. I said I wasn't sure and was just trying to make convo. I finally said he could come over (but mentioned nothing about cuddling or sex) and he said "be there in 10." I asked him to please wait until midnight bc I had to run to the store. He agreed, but then showed up at 11:40pm anyway. This was annoying to me, but whatever, it's fine. When he walks in, I can tell he has been drinking all day. He is slurring, repeating stories over and over, and won't stop kissing and touching me. I tell him it's a little much and ask him to cool it and put on a movie. It stops for about 35 seconds and then continues. He finally mentions something about cuddling and I said "about that, I'm really sorry man, but I'm just not feeling it tonight. I think I need to sleep alone tonight." He immediately gets up, goes to the bathroom, and then leaves. He starts texting me "go fuck yourself, you're a douche. You're a dumbass, I've had a rough week, how dare you do that to me," etc. I again apologized, told him I would like to see him again, but that tonight just wasn't our night. We haven't spoken since. I was sooo relieved when he left but I feel bad bc I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. My friends are mostly on my side but some have said I should have known he wanted to stay and shouldn't have let him come over if I didn't want him to. What do you think? Am I the asshole?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/yesitsrichard on 2024-10-12 04:31:00.

Tonight I was at a concert that was an all GA concert with standing room only no seats. Meaning people could go wherever they please.

I happen to see a friend I wasn’t expecting to see, also I hadnt seen them for quite a bit so we start chit chatting catching up.

We were in the back section of the crowd, some people behind us still but far more in front.

An older guy taps me and my friend on the shoulder to say “we came here to listen not talk” we were a little taken back but tried to be nice and tone down our convo. 5 mins later another guy much ruder tells us how he can’t understand why we’re still talking when someone else told us to stop. My friend calmly said we’re in the back and you’re free to move wherever you want away from us.

Idk I was just so shocked by this, open to learning but what the heck.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/EscapeSolution on 2024-10-12 04:24:44.

I (35M) am married to my wonderful wife (31F), and we just had our first child in August. Since becoming a father, I’ve been more protective and conscious about the world she’s going to grow up in. Recently, I had an argument with my wife’s stepfather that escalated quickly.

We were discussing current events, and during the conversation, I expressed frustration over how he continually mischaracterizes certain groups and their actions. I tried explaining my perspective, but he didn’t seem to understand. At one point, I lost my cool and bluntly told him he was ignorant and racist. This clearly upset him, and he became defensive, asking why I would say something like that.

I tried explaining that it’s difficult for him to understand certain experiences that people like me have gone through, but this just made him more upset. He argued back, saying that he felt unfairly attacked and didn’t see himself the way I described. Eventually, the conversation ended on a sour note, and we haven’t really spoken much since.

Now I’m wondering if I went too far by calling him ignorant, even though I was frustrated.

TL;DR: I (35M) called my wife’s stepfather ignorant and racist during a family discussion about current events. He became defensive and upset, and now I’m wondering if I went too far by saying that. AITA?