Am I the Asshole?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/soul-girl on 2024-10-13 12:14:56.

It was my birthday yesterday and for my I had a mini birthday dinner with a few of my friends. During the dinner one of my friends left to the bathroom a few times and when I started conversation with her she just answered with a curt yed or no and that's it. Then she started to cry and I asked her if she was okay and if something happened and she said no. Then I asked her if something upset her about what happened today and she said nothing happened today and then she got up and paid for her meal and left the restaurant.

One of my other friends who is closer to her than me went after her and they talked outside and she returned alone saying that my upset friend didn't say why she was upset to her. I then texted her asking if she was okay again, and she replied that she wouldn't be good company as she is and to enjoy my birthday without her.

But it was very awkward after that for everyone on the table so we stayed for a little bit and went home. The day after she sent me a long message saying that she felt that I and my three other friends purposely excluded her by talking about things she doesn't know anything about and wanted to end our friendship because she doesn't think she can stay friends with people that do that, and she doesn't trust that we wouldn't do it again if we didn't do it on purpose.

I was stunned because she had told me on the day that we didn't do anything and she was upset about something else also because I didn't think she would see me as someone who would purposely ignore her because on the night I did try to speak to her but I assumed she was upset about something else because she only replied in no and yes and I couldn't continue conversation with her. Also in the past I usually drop everything I'm doing to comfort her when she's upset I help her with writing essays, job applications and am always there for her when she's upset.

So I replied to her message saying that it was no way my intention to ignore her and thought she was upset about something else and that if she really no longer wants to be friends I'll respect her wishes. And then she replied to me saying that I really don't care about her at all and I should have dropped everything to make sure she was okay since she was crying when she left. And if I was in her situation that she would have done everything to make sure I'm okay.

But now I'm confused because I have no idea what she wanted me to do.

I want to remain friends with her but I've already apologised and promised her something like this won't happen again but she said she feels like my apology wasn't genuine. I have no idea how to go about making up with her.

Am I the asshole in this situation?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Designchick84 on 2024-10-13 05:05:23.

My parents always choose my brother. It’s been like this my entire life. As a child I never put them in the position to choose. That kept the peace and also didn’t make me feel like shit about myself. I am the dependable child. I show up and always do the right thing.

This is where things get tricky. My brother married into an awful family. Extremely entitled, snobby, and just very mean. They have always hosted Thanksgiving and it’s just been somthing that my husband and I just go along with. Really to keep my parents happy. The last two thanksgivings my sister in laws father has been incredibly mean to my 5 year old. To the point where I reached out the day after Thanksgiving saying if this continues we will no longer celebrating holidays with them at all. We have seen them since and it’s been fine but it’s never been in their home and that’s when the father’s comfortable enough to be mean.

This Thanksgiving my husband and I decide to plan a local trip for our family. We invite my parents and my brother’s family. They all love the idea, but decline. Since my brother declined, my parents said that they “can’t pick between families” and of course picked my brothers. I expected it and I’m not even mad about it.

My husband and I booked our trip anyways. We are not going to subject our children to a toxic Thanksgiving. Well today I got the group text message about Thanksgiving plans. I sent a very friendly text back saying that we will be out of town etc.. and now everyone is upset at me and blindsided although we have been discussing it for months. They thought because they declined the trip that we were not going on it. We are! AITAH?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/totallychilllll on 2024-10-13 04:37:50.

I 16F, go to school 4 days a week (mon-thurs) and from fri-sat i go to work 10-5:30. I always have Sunday’s off. Recently my mom who has been attempting to go back into the workforce wants me to switch my work schedule and have Friday be my day off, and not Sunday. Here’s the catch, i have a little brother (4). My mom claims a lot of the jobs she’s aiming for want her to work fridays and that i’ll need to watch my lil bro for a “few hours” (yeah sure mom) until she gets off of her shift.

My little brother is a constant piece of work, and is more full of energy than a semi full of red-bull drinks. He isn’t a bad kid however, he is extremely curious about everything and loves making messes, without any bad intentions of course. This means he must be monitored at all times. I love my brother more than any one person i know, however, i need my resting time and my breaks.

The whole idea of me switching my schedule around just so my mom can work sounds good, but it really only benefits her. When i have Sundays off it gives me one day of peace before i start another week of school and work, and along with opportunities for sleepovers on Saturday nights with my friends because their schedules are similar. Fridays just wouldn’t work out.

This puts me in a frustrating position with my parents. I told my dad about how i didn’t want to change my schedule because it would mean i would have to watch my brother on my one day off, and i deserve a break. To nobody’s surprise he starts going off at me. He loves to bring up his past and how he had to similar things growing up due to his massive mormon family with around 10 siblings, and the way he had to watch his family.

Now, incase nobody on this planet has noticed, times have changed. It’s normal for a human being to ask for time to their self and i feel as though others should respect that. He claimed that i was selfish and how they had to watch me as a baby growing up (huh 😭), then after i claimed that my brother wasn’t my kid he just said that i need to get over myself and how “that’s life”.

I’m filled with annoyance and i feel the farthest thing from being understood. I am predicting a bigger argument will happen after my mom starts making moves such as getting a job and getting a schedule. I have never been a maternal person (mother trauma core) so it’s never been a joy to watch or babysit kids, i often prefer to avoid the whole thing. This puts me in a hard spot so i really don’t know how to navigate this. I feel like i’m being treated unfairly and this is unjust, this sucks and i’m miserable lol end of story.

(for clarification: daycare is a no go trust me i tried, my mom as of recently (5 years) has only had one other job which was during this summer and she quit due to “drama”. she does breed dogs so her money isn’t entirely of my dads check. and lastly my dad does work fridays and has my entire life so there’s no way he’s changing HIS schedule.)

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Old-Examination9379 on 2024-10-13 02:42:04.

Disposable account because other members of my family know my account. English is not my native language so please excuse any grammatical mistake.

Hi everyone, I (F21) live with my parents and my sister (16) in a 4-story house. For more than half a year I have had this problem where I am on a different floor from my sister and I raise my voice a little to call her but she doesn't hear me no matter how many times I try, or sometimes she only answers after 5 or more attempts and when I asked her she would just say that I didn't raise my voice enough and on other occasions she also scolded me because according to her, she couldn't hear what I was saying to her even when we were in the same room.

One time I fell down the stairs and one of my legs hurt a lot but she never responded, I managed to get up and manage the pain but I had to tell my parents what had happened so they could take me to the doctor and it turned out that I had a second degree sprain.

I told my parents this and we decided to sit down and talk to my sister. We met in the living room and my parents asked her what was going on. At first my sister insisted that it was my fault but my parents told her that they didn't have that problem, then she changed her answer saying that she was using headphones and maybe she didn't hear me but my parents didn't believe her and kept insisting.

In the end she exploded and said that she did it on purpose because I always called her for stupid things and that she was fed up, my mother asked what kind of stupid things. She was silent for a moment and then said that I made her do all the chores around the house. So she just pretended that she didn't hear me. She even seemed proud that it worked like a charm. My parents yelled at her a lot and grounded her. But I was and still am very hurt, so for the last 3 weeks I haven't said a word to her. Nothing.

Her school makes a compilation of videos for graduating students, where their families congratulate them, it's a very emotional moment but I have refused to participate. My parents think I'm taking this too far and she has yelled at me saying that I need to move on. Even her friends have flooded my messages saying I'm a terrible sister and I need to grow up. But my friends say that my sister made her bed and now she can lay down on it.

Am I being unreasonable?

Edit: Since I see some people telling me that I take advantage of my sister and give her all my homework, it's actually the other way around, this is the response I wrote to someone. The things I ask her to do are literally her part of the homework. It's not that she does it whenever she wants, but she never does anything. So I end up doing everything or else my parents will yell at us for not doing it. They yell at both of us, no matter that I've done my part.

Edit 2: Moving is not an option, I'm finishing college but I have student debt to pay and, I don't know what it's like where you live, but in my country moving young is not that easy.

Edit 3: again, this is one of my answers: i think you all are imagining some huge 4 story american style house or something, but my house is actually pretty small, also, when i call her it’s almost always from the first floor, her room is on the second floor and right next to the stairs, i don’t have to yell for her to hear me. My room is also in front of hers, there’s no hallway between us just the space taken up by the stairs, even at that distance she would ignore me. I started raising my voice because when I asked her if she couldn't hear me, she would tell me that I was speaking too quietly, so it was my fault. I didn't start yelling just because I was angry or something. She told me that that was the problem.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/SpecialistRegret7492 on 2024-10-13 00:43:06.

For context, my partner has full custody of his child (6F) and I am currently coming up 5 months pregnant, and every time I stay with him at the weekend I sleep on the sofa.

His daughter still sleeps in his bed with him, he has tried in the past to get her into her own bed but given up multiple times and just let her sleep in there. This evening, obviously my pregnancy hormones have got the better of me, and I started crying when he said he was going up to bed. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a very supportive and great boyfriend, and currently because I’ve been spending a lot of time with him and being the hormonal mess women are when they’re pregnant, I’m heavily reliant on comfort from him when I’m sad.. he asked what was wrong and I just straight up said “I don’t like sleeping without you anymore.” He gave me some hugs etc and said that he can’t do anything about it at the moment, because it’s currently 1.30am and his daughter is asleep. Which, granted, is fair enough…but I’m starting to think do I even bother coming over here now at the weekend just to sleep on his shitty sofa while I’m getting more and more heavily pregnant? I just worry this isn’t going to change at all, and I’m fed up. Anyway, he went upstairs after I said to just leave, whilst I was in floods of hormonal tears…so we currently aren’t talking and I’m wide awake wondering why I’m even here right now. Am I being unreasonable? A hormonal idiot? Do I apologise to him? This entire situation has consumed me this evening and I don’t know how to go about talking to him about this anymore without it putting pressure on our relationship…am I the asshole for being upset over this situation?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Ok-Jaguar-2007 on 2024-10-12 23:57:39.

AITA: For my husband‘s birthday, I gifted him a chain and bracelet set from the online shop JAXXON. In my opinion, I think all the jewelry pieces from that website look very luxurious, but it’s made with pure 925 sterling silver plated in solid 14K gold. So he opened his gift and tries on the chain. He seemed to really like it. Then he starts talking about how he wanted a gold chain from Costco and asked me if I had checked Costco for his jewelry. I told him yes, but everything on Costco‘s site was very expensive. And by expensive, I mean 5k and up. And then he was like “well yeah because it’s real gold”, and then he said “wait, is this not real gold? And I said no I don’t think so. He immediately took the chain off and said fuck that shit…return that shit then. we make more than enough money to buy me something real. I’m not gonna wear any of that fake shit! all the jewelry I’ve ever bought you is real gold! How much did you pay for this?” Am I the asshole for buying my husband cheap jewelry?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/SaltAd6029 on 2024-10-12 23:34:28.

I, 38F have two bio kids 13F and 11M from an unsuccessful marriage I was in when I was very young, and my current husband, 42M has two kids from his previous marriage as well, 12F and 8M. The mother of my two step kids takes them in every other weekend to spend a few days with them as my husband has the majority of custody over the kids.

I booked a camping vacation for me, my husband and my two kids to spend a weekend outside, as that weekend my step kids mother was going to have them.

My step kids mother calls us and tells us that an emergency came up and we're going to have to keep the kids for that weekend, even though I didn't book them for the vacation. My husband says to change the reservation since cancellation time had passed (72 hours), I told him that I wanted to spend more one on one time with my kids and that this weekend was supposed to be for that. He said that his two kids are now a part of our family and we had to include them, but I refused to change the reservation.

AITA?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Trixosoublakas on 2024-10-12 23:10:01.

I (19,F) started university last year in the city that I live. I wanted socialize and have groups of friends I could hang out with but, I also wanted to be consistent with my studies and pass most of my classes.

In my second semester, I met a group of people that I hanged out a bit in uni, went out 2-3 times and talked a bit through a group chat that we made. But after a month or so, it seemed like I was the only one asking to go out and no one seemed to stay true to their word because they always seemed to cancel last minute after agreeing to our plans days before. They also seemed to stop coming to classes and only interacted with me when they needed notes or to ask questions about classes. I respected the fact that they maybe couldn't come because sometimes they were working or too bored, but it was just something that they seemed to do too often to be excused all the time. I tried my best to answer nicely but at the same time show that I am not interested in being their source of university news and information by saying quotes like "the teacher will talk about this topic next class, come if you are interested" or "the website has news posted about X topic". And that resulted into us not speaking after a while, the groupchat slowly becoming inactive and so on.

But now, months after not interacting at all, my third semester started and so did my lectures. I was attending a difficult class when one of the girls from the group came up and sat next to me being all nice and happy. I didn't really entertain any conversation because I was trying to take notes (mind you, it was a 3 hour lecture with no breaks) and she didn't seem to have brought any bag with notebooks inside and just sat at her phone until the very end of the lecture. When the class finally ended, she just left without saying another word and I didn't get the chance to even try and see if I could maybe hang out with her or just talk.

Now, a week later, she texts me asking me for the notes I took. I responded with a short message saying that we haven't interacted in months, that I don't really consider us friends anymore and that I think she is just using me because she didn't want to sit and actually take notes herself even though she came to class.

She answered saying i was the one who cut her and the group off and that I should consider her asking for my notes, a compliment. She later added that she believes that my negative reaction to her asking for notes is childish and I should reconsider how highly I view myself.

I told her that she is delusional and maybe come to class and take her own notes instead of slacking off and then blaming everyone but herself when she isn't passing her classes.

AITA?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/baseball-louie on 2024-10-12 21:12:24.

My cousin Christie (27F) got engaged a few months ago and asked my sister Jessica (20F) and I (25F) to be bridesmaids in her wedding. She recently sent the bridesmaid dress she picked for us in the bridal party group chat, and everyone immediately gushed about how much we loved it, and Christie was clearly very happy and excited about the dress. It’s an orange satin dress with a pink floral pattern. It’s definitely a very bright and bold choice, but I personally think it’s really pretty, and fits her colorful tropical wedding theme really nicely.

However, my sister Jessica HATES everything about dress. She thinks the color is ugly, the pattern is tacky, and that satin is impractical for a beach wedding. She does not want to be seen wearing it or have pictures of her in posted on social media. She has been begging me to help her talk to Christie about it and tell her to pick a different dress, or let us choose our own dresses. She also wants to reach out to the other bridesmaids (who are mostly Christie’s friends who we barely know yet) and ask them their opinion, because she is certain no one else likes the dress.

I’ve told Jessica that she just needs to suck it up, because part of being a bridesmaid is realizing the day is not about you or your preferences. We are there to support the bride and make the day special for her. Christie clearly has a certain vision for her dream wedding, and I feel like wearing the dress she wants for one day is not a huge ask.

Jessica does not see it that way, and believes she should not be made to wear a something she is not comfortable in. It would be different if her discomfort came from the dress being too revealing, or if she wasn’t comfortable wearing dresses in general. But her argument basically boils down to the dress being ugly in her opinion and not her style. I don’t know how we would confront Christie with this without insulting her taste and potentially hurting her feelings.

The wedding is still 8 months away, so if I’m the asshole here and should try to change Christie’s mind on behalf of my sister, now is the time to do it before everyone has bought the dresses and gotten alterations. But I would rather just avoid the drama.

EDIT: since a couple people asked to see the dress I will try to add the link to it. dress

EDIT 2: Hi, I really appreciate everyone weighing in! It’s nice to see that the dress is equally divisive amongst you all as it was between my sister and I. I will be showing this thread to my sister, and I definitely will not be bringing up her problems about taste/style to my cousin (which I never had any desire to do in the first place). However some people have shown me that the site selling the dress has pretty bad reviews, and it may be risky to try to buy from there. Thank you for bringing this to my attention, this is definitely worth letting my cousin know. Hopefully we can find the dress on a better site, or she can at least find another one with a similar vibe and price point.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Willing-participate on 2024-10-12 20:49:25.

So my sister is 27 got involved with a man that abused her and had his child. She works a slightly above minimum wage job and lives in NY. She has tried to get government assistance but her income is slightly over. This is where I come into the picture.

I do well for myself and after our grandpa passed away I offered to buy out my mother and sister since they wanted to sell his house but I wanted to keep it. The house is in Colorado. I have been fixing it up over the last 3 years. My mother and sister want me to let my sister move into the house. Now normally I would say sure but I don't trust my sister. She is currently in eviction proceedings for none payment.

If I let her in I know she will not pay me. She still owes me for the time I paid for her to go to Texas for her friends bridal party.

I get you supposed to help family when they are in need but idk. I just don't trust her to do right.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/quahognative on 2024-10-12 19:00:46.

Final edit: it IS a fucking candle, like a candle candle. I’ve been at work all night but I got home and just looked at the bottom. Instructions say “trim wick to 1/4” before lighting”. I did not do this as being the apparent caveman I see candle, I light candle. She’s asleep so I can’t rub it in her face after she said “that candle isn’t supposed to be lit, they’re not meant for that”, but this is all I need. Am I the asshole for leaving it lit for a quick piss walk before bed with her and the dogs YES. Am an asshole for thinking this stupid thing was in fact a candle NO. The cutting the wick thing was ignorance for not thinking the protective lid that usually comes with a plastic peel around it would’ve prevented someone from lighting it otherwise and they probably should make the damn things ready to go. Here’s a lesson to anyone out there about to light a candle, apparently they have instructions. I now know she was wrong and we never got into a major fight so I will humbly and in the least petty way just leave the candle upside down next the sink so when she wakes up first to brush her teeth she can know that this candle was in fact meant to be lit, and that I was right. I can’t add links or pics here but it’s called Mermaid Shimmer from At Home. I may be dumb but I can hang my hat up knowing I had every right to light it. Good night to all, and have a pleasant tomorrow!

Edit 3: holy shit y’all know how to beat a dead horse. I get it, IM AN AH FOR LEAVING THE HOUSE WITH IT. I’ve accepted that. I will be sure to never do it again. Now try imagining the question as in I lit it and sat down on the couch and then it started smoking. AITA then? Gf and I share candles, share a household, and share the financial responsibility for these. They are not “hers” they’re “ours”. This question was just supposed to be about how in the hell I was supposed to, without being told, know that there was a fake candle I shouldn’t have lit? The label doesn’t even say anything, just “hand poured wax.

Edit 2: a accept I am the asshole, but still fck those candles

Edit: aside from the obvious that I shouldn’t have left with it lit, I take responsibility for that. If all other scented candles are fair game(except if they’re “out of season”, she doesn’t like the house to smell too much like dogs so she likes when I do. The big question here is why tf are there wicks in a decorative candle your going to put above a toilet and not tell me it’s off limits?

I went to the bathroom last night and it was stinky. So, being the considerate boyfriend I am I lit the candle my gf left on top of the toilet, and then we went to walk the dogs. The candle looked like most scented candles I’ve seen. Round glass, tan colored wax inside, smelled good, HAD F*ING WICKS. We get back, smoke alarm is going off, house is cloudy but no worse than burning food in the oven. Smokes worse in the bathroom so I blowout the candle and she tells me you’re not supposed to light that candle. WTF, why would it have wicks? Why would she put it on top of the toilet? To me it’s like having a doormat you’re not supposed to step on in front of your door. Do most guys know about this? She seems mad at me, but I told her it’s crazy to do that. Am I the asshole?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Mental_Raccoon9446 on 2024-10-12 18:32:15.

My sister (22f) was supposed to be getting married this year but she pushed the wedding back another year because my dad and stepmother refused to let me (17m) be her man of honor when she didn't ask our step or half siblings to be bridesmaids or groomsmen too.

My dad confronted my sister about asking me several months ago and told her it wasn't right. He told her she HAD to include all of us or none of us would attend the wedding and he would stop me going too. She told him she was not going to give into him. He said she shouldn't prioritize me over siblings that are younger or just not biologically related to us. She said they (him, his wife and the other kids) were only invited so she could have me there and since he was imposing such an awful rule she was just going to move the date, I'd be 18 and able to choose so she didn't need to invite the rest of them.

The new date is next year and I will be 18 and I'll already be moved out. My dad and stepmother are pissed she actually went ahead with her plan and that I still plan to be her man of honor. They told me I cannot and should not do this. That I am putting my other siblings feelings at risk and making them feel rejected by two of us. They said my sister was making me choose between her and the rest of my family and I should not choose her for that reason. I told them I would always choose her and they were not going to make me say no.

This argument continued and I ignored it for about two months but the other night they told me to sit and talk to them and they said my other siblings had noticed what was going on and I should feel bad about that. I told them I didn't. They told me I have five other siblings and shouldn't hurt a relationship with them a relationship with one. I told them I didn't care what they say, I'll be her man of honor and they won't stop me. So they need to just let it go because they are making the countdown to my 18th birthday a bigger deal.

They said I'm being hurtful and I'll regret my decision to burn all these bridges in 10 or 20 years. My dad told me I might think mom would be proud of me for standing by my sister but he believes she'd be disgusted at the two of us for not making room for the growing our family did after she died.

AITA?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/SignificantFan8104 on 2024-10-12 18:01:59.

My parents had me (15f) when they were 18 and 19. They always made it so obvious they resented being parents so young and added to that they never tried to be good parents. I typically spend most of my time at friends houses. I don't have extended family to rely on, they disowned my parents for having me so young, so friends houses were a positive in my life that made me feel more comfortable than being at home with my parents.

My parents never did the typical parent stuff like helping with homework or showing up to support me at school. I don't think they ever attended a parents conference for me. They ignored a lot of stuff I needed to get signed and I'd have to get right in their face on the last day to get signatures. My birthday and Christmas have never been a big deal or celebration. They do celebrate their wedding anniversary but that's a them thing.

When they told me two years ago they were expecting a baby it really surprised me but then it hurt because sometimes they said stuff that made me feel like I didn't exist. Like how they were SO excited to have a baby and how they couldn't wait to be parents. A friend of my mom's did remind her of me but then she and dad said I was basically the too early practice run and this was the real deal. When my sister was born they were so attentive to her that I ceased to exist completely. I got sick and my school was trying to call someone to pick me up early but they ignored the calls and when I got home they had taken the baby out for a family day. When they got home they hadn't even realized the school called because they turned off their phones to "enjoy family time".

My mom quit her job a month after my sister was born. She wants to be a SAHM and she and dad want at least one more kid. My dad leaves work early on Fridays so he can spend more time with the family (mom and sister). My parents tried to have another kid for over a year and mom isn't pregnant yet so they're jumping to fertility treatments. They told me I need to watch my sister for a few hours every week while they attend those appointments and they gave me this detailed list of stuff she needs and what I'm going to do with her. I told them I won't and that they had her so they need to take care of her because she's not my kid. My parents told me it's a few hours a week and not a huge deal. Dad told me I need to look at it as paying back all they did for me. I said no and told them they don't give a crap about me so why would I want to help them.

AITA?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/rob-her-dinero on 2024-10-12 17:40:45.

This weekend is Canadian Thanksgiving. I (29M) live in the United States but my stepmom is Canadian and her mom always comes down from BC for the weekend to celebrate with a feast for my mostly American family.

To be honest, my “step-grandma”’s cooking is not good. And she is the most passive aggressive person I have ever met. Every year she makes such a big deal about how much work she put into her bland ass food and expects endless praise for her efforts. But I digress.

Every year at Canadian Thanksgiving, my husband and I are asked to do the dishes. It’s fine, we don’t mind it. But the hard part is that we are guests, and we are the only people ever expected to help. At first it was like “Okay we are the youngest, so that’s why.” but in the past few years, my stepmom’s nieces and nephews, all in their early 20s, were there and after dinner went in the hot tub. Meanwhile, if I’m playing with my nephew I don’t get to see much, I hear from the kitchen my step-grandma say loudly “if only someone would help me with the dishes” and of course my dad comes over and says “Hey can you guys help her with the dishes”. I’m just sick of being the only ones expected to help.

This is our second year living in a different city and about a month ago they asked if I was coming. I told them I wasn’t sure and later told them I wasn’t. They offered to pay for our flights and I still said I couldn’t make it. Made up an excuse. But really it’s the dishes. Again, don’t mind doing them, just sick of being the only people expected to help out while everyone else is socialize and hang in the hot tub.

I have talked to my brothers (both older) and one agrees with me and the other thinks that’s a stupid reason. So I am wondering, am I the asshole?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/SeaAct7287 on 2024-10-12 17:13:47.

For context me(35m) and my wife(35f) have been married for over 10 years. She’s always had a couple of cats which were fine. They went in the litter box, I cleaned the litter box every now and then when she was sick or pregnant but now…

Those cats passed away. She got new cat we didn’t know was pregnant and now we have 3 cats. We also have 2 kids. As the person that works the most in the house I’m also constantly the one who gets them to daycare and brings them back home. I then watch them til they go to sleep. Feed them, etc. play with them, everything that comes with parenthood.

She works an opposite shift so she essentially gets from when she wakes up til 4 p.m. in the house alone.

I get home, the house is a wreck. She leaves food out? Leaves her dirty dishes in the sink, which that’s fine. Whatever, it means I have to clean before I can even cook for our children. Sucks but I do it.

Well these cats have 3 litter boxes. Every single ____ing day I come home to piss on not only our bed, but our children’s as well.

Every single day I come home I’m washing bedding, changing it out, making dinner, using a carpet cleaner on their mattresses, consuming all of my time.

It’s not fun.

I’ve talked to her about it, she says she’ll try new litter, I really don’t think she has. I’ve had several talks about how look “I understand you love these cats but I can’t in all honesty keep coming home to piss everywhere but the litter box. They’re peeing on our children’s beds, their clothing, etc. this isn’t okay, we’ve got to get rid of them.

She has a strong emotional attachment to them though but today I finally gave her an ultimatum. Either the cats go, the issue gets solved or me and the kids are staying somewhere else.

It’s sucking all the energy out of me. I work construction 10 hours a day 5 days a week, by the time I’m done getting their beds ready it’s like 2 hours past their bed time.

It’s so bad I’ve gotten an extra mattress to swap out atleast one of their beds so I don’t have to wait on both to dry. I make sure their door is closed so they can’t get in. When I ask her why the door to our kids room was opened she says “well the cats love to stair out their window”

Am I wrong in giving her this ultimatum?

I can’t do this crap anymore.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/spillthecoffee on 2024-10-12 16:44:32.

Background:

• My parents got divorced when I was 18years old
• My dad remarried and has 3 stepchildren (F37, F21, M36)
• My mom remarried and has 1 step child (F12)
• My bio sister (F28) included myself (F30) and my step sister (F12) in her wedding as bridesmaids.
• Me and F12 were asked to give a do speech

Speech Intro: “we want to start by saying Not many people can say they have a really beautiful and brilliant sister but (bio sister) is lucky enough to be able to say she has 2… thats us

My dad is OUTRAGED that we didn’t say 4 sisters. My bio sister and I are both very very close with our little sister (F12) and see her frequently. My dad’s step kids we maybe see 1x a year and never really grew up together. I view them all as family and friends that I care about but not SIBLINGS.

My dad is sending me paragraphs about how I consider his new family less then and why would I do that etc.

I talked to my dad’s step daughter (F21) and apologized and she said she didn’t even think about it and really enjoyed the speech. My bio sister loved the speech!

AM I THE ASSHOLE?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/SuspiciousNote7032 on 2024-10-12 15:51:44.

I 35 F married my now Husband 41 male 7 years ago. My husband had three kids from his previous marriage and I had two kids from a previous relationship.

My husband and I welcomed a child together 8 months after getting married. I have always treated my step children like my own . My husband’s oldest daughter we will call her Kelly 19 F is a sophomore in college and recently got engaged to her high school sweetheart we call him Zach 19 m .

Both go the same college and have been together for 4 years. We all love her fiancé and his family. Zach asked my husband for his blessing and everything. We all figured they would get married after they graduated. My step daughter told me they plan to get married next summer after they are done with their sophomore year.

Her fiancé and her plan to get an apartment at college and stay with his grandma in her basement during the summer. Kelly works as a host at college and babysits during the summer. She refuses to get out college loans and after financial aid she has to make payments of around $800 a month.

Her mother helps and we help what we can but ultimately we told her if she chose an out of state college she will be financially responsible. I told her I respect her decision but to be aware she will start her nursing classes her junior year and it is nearly impossible to work during those two years.

I informed her this weekend when she told us her plans to wed next summer that I will not be paying her car insurance or cell bill after she gets married. Kelly got upset with me and refuses to talk to me even though I explained my reason.

I told her that it was her decision to get married young and by doing so your saying I am independent and ready to start a future with my husband. She explained well yeah but I still need your help I said yes of course I will help here or there but not paying your bills every month until you can pay them yourselves. I just think they both should focus on school and get married after they graduate so they can both be financially independent instead of being married but still independent on my parents. So AITA for cutting her off.

Edit: My husband did inform her of this joint decision. Kelly is 19 will be 20 next Spring while her siblings are 17 ( almost 18, 15, 13, 8 and 6. We are not financially well off and live paycheck to paycheck. I have been pulling in overtime to pay off debt that occurred when my husband was not working because of health reasons.

The 17 year has been told if she moves out on her own she is on her own because she does have self entitlement. She needs tough love mom, dad, step mom and step dad will agree. I am happy she has job she works where I work but still obsessed with boyfriend. She didn’t come home one night so different situation prolly a future Reddit post lol

The 15 year old will be dependent on us it be emotionally, financially and mentally he has Autism. He has made some amazing accomplishments in life he will tell you I have been more like his mom than his real mom. He has a heart of gold

The 13 year old and 8 year old are mine from a previous relationship. There father does not help or see them because he is in prison prolly also a future Reddit post considering he paroles in December of this year

The 6 year old the one who is biologically my husband and I is the baby and just loves tornadoes.

I will be there for my kids they be bonus or bio but at the same time I want them to be responsible for themselves. I grew up if you don’t buy it you don’t appreciate it. I have always paid my own bills starting at age 16. And yes at 16 I paid for my school fees, cloths, food , cell, insurance, graduation gown and cap, and dresses. Trust me I do not expect my kids to pay for these things. I just paid for Kelly’s sister graduation stuff. I will be here to help but grown up decisions means grown up responsibilities.

Marriage is serious and marriage couple need to have the financial conversation. Talk over a monthly budget date nights, food, rent and ect.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/sambapanda666 on 2024-10-12 11:57:56.

I (28f) got a text from an former college friend (29m). He told me he got a job in the area where my parents live and asked if the small guest house they sometimes rent out is free at the moment. He plans to move in with a friend in that area in early 2025 and needs a place to stay for a few months until then. I called my mom, she said it's technically possible to rent it for a few months. I gave him my parent's number so he can talk to them. It's a small 2-room house attached to the main house (that we grew up in) with separate entrances, so you would only see each other on the driveway.

I was happy that he remembered me and that I was able to help him. I remembered that my sister (25f) also knows him from back then (about 6 years ago, they used to text and hung out once but that's it), so in my excitement I texted her about it. She lives in the same city that I do and visits our parents every few months for a few days. She texted back that she would not be comfortable with this situation because after they hung out she realised that the hang out was "not good" and that he crossed boundaries regarding physical contact. She had to stay the night at his place because she missed the last bus and he tried to make a move on her but nothing happened. They were cuddling, he tried to take it further a few times, she pushed him away, he stopped.

When I used to hang out with him he once tried to make a move on me, too, but when I told him No he insantly left my flat because it was such an awkward situation. I used to know him very well back then so I don't think he is the kind of person who enjoys exerting power over others at all. He tends to be a childish, awkward person, who avoids serious topics. Otherwise he is friendly, funny, hard-working. My interpretation is that he was looking for connection and intimacy after ending a long term relationship but was too socially inept to properly deal with those situations. I am socially awkward, too, there were many situations where I misinterpreted the signs or tried to flirt with people or get closer to them but took it a bit too far. There were also various situations with guys in which I later regretted the degree of intimacy we had.

To me, those are all typical mistakes we make in our 20s that we learn from. To a certain extent feeling uncomfortable is a normal part of life and something to grow on. If I see my abusive Ex at the grocery store I am uncomfortable but I still continue shopping because I know that he won't harm me anymore. On the other hand, my sister says she wouldn't be comfortable when visiting our parents and having him in a place where she grew up.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Electrical-Ball-3386 on 2024-10-12 10:08:05.

I was part of a group savings scheme where my friend, “Jessica,” acted as the banker. The group works by having each member deposit an agreed amount monthly, and when it’s your turn, you receive the full amount collected. Everyone has to trust each other, which is why these groups are usually made up of friends or family.

When it was my turn to receive the payout, Jessica contacted me on 1/9 to confirm the account details, but after that, things started to go wrong. She delayed the payment, first blaming another member for being late. By 5/9, after I had followed up several times, Jessica admitted she had used my portion of the savings for an emergency and promised to repay it by 8/9. I was understanding and told her it was okay, just let me know next time.

However, 8/9 came and went with no payment and no response from her. I repeatedly tried contacting her—texts, calls, even reaching out to her roommate—but I was met with silence. By 13/9, I sent her a message saying we could make an arrangement that worked for both of us if she couldn’t pay right away. Still no reply. Later that day, I sent a message in the group savings chat asking if anyone had heard from her, and she responded by removing me from the group, accusing me of humiliating her publicly and getting a kick out of it.

I was shocked because that was never my intention. I’ve lent her money in the past and had no problem doing so again, but now I feel taken advantage of. After trying to work things out, I’ve decided to give her a final deadline to transfer the money. If she doesn’t, I plan to pursue legal action. This savings scheme is legal where I live, and with the proper documentation, I can file for debt collection.

Considering I’ve been patient and understanding throughout, AITA for wanting to pursue this legally after she’s ignored me.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Cultural_Ad_8941 on 2024-10-12 09:55:51.

My parents don't really like cooking or any kind of meal prep. They cook and stuff but they've always hated it so much. While I (16m) like cooking, love it even, and baking. I started to enjoy it 3 years ago when my grandparents started taking me and my younger siblings (14f, 13f, 10m, 8m) after in person learning came back post-Covid. My grandparents love to cook so it was fun and cool to learn from them and I picked up some recipes from them. When my parents heard this they added cooking 1 night a week once you're 13 to the list. I liked it because I enjoy my cooking more than my parents. Probably because I don't hate every second of cooking so I pay more attention.

My family preferred it too. Especially my siblings.

My sisters do not like cooking and our parents stopped the rule when both of them turned out to make shitty food. They didn't want to come home from work to eat bad food. They knew my sisters hated cooking too so they knew they wouldn't want to do better and my parents didn't blame them since they hate it. So my parents told me they wanted me to take over cooking 3 nights a week. I told them I wanted them to drop my chore of kid bathroom chore for the extra nights cooking chore.

The bathroom I share with my siblings is gross and disgusting. My parents let so much awful stuff fly with them in there because nobody else uses it but I'm supposed to make sure it's clean and ugh. I'm talking my sisters not disposing of their period pads well and sometimes leaving them, marks being left on the toilet seat, shit left in the toilet, all kinds of stuff in the shower. And one of my brothers pisses all over the place at night when he's half asleep so extra gross. My parents never try to anything about it but I hate cleaning that bathroom. I never want to use it. Sometimes I ask my best friends family if I can use theirs (they live right next door) because it's better.

My parents refused to drop that because they know my siblings won't clean it good and they don't want to do it either. So I said no to cooking three nights. My parents said I don't make the rules as the kid and I told them I refuse to take on more when I have the worst job in the house.

AITA?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/CannotOpenDocument on 2024-10-12 09:02:54.

My birthday dinner was supposed to be tonight. It was supposed to be a family dinner at a restaurant to celebrate my 30th. This was going to be my main celebration, because I don’t have a party planned.

This afternoon, my brother & SIL called me to tell me that they were pregnant. I was ecstatic for them & asked them all the usual questions. Then they asked me if I would be okay with them telling my parents at my birthday dinner tonight. They said that my SIL had been very sick, which I empathise with, and wouldn’t be drinking, so it would be easier to tell them. But if I said no, then they would tell them at another event (that’s about them) in a few weeks. I said I’d have to think about it & would call them back.

I was upset they even asked me if it was okay & put me in that position. There have been issues at most of my recent birthdays, my uni grad was ruined by COVID. I’m not inclined to marry & have kids. 30 is a big birthday & probably the last major event for me before I hit 40.

I called & told them I would prefer they didn’t tell our parents at my dinner. They were understanding. But when I said that I felt like they’d put me in a difficult spot & really shouldn’t have asked in the first place, they were defensive and angry. They implied that I should feel grateful that they were considerate enough to ask me in the first place. My SIL yelled at me a bit. The call ended badly & I was more upset than I was in the first place.

This put me in a really bad mood & trying to pretend to be upbeat while at dinner with them was not appealing, so I contacted my parents to postpone the dinner. They wanted to know why, which I couldn’t tell them, & let me know there would be a substantial fee for canceling. They were frustrated because I wouldn’t tell them why I was upset. I said I’d call the restaurant and sort it out, which I did.

I then called up my brother & asked just to speak to him. I told him how I felt, & asked him if he would even consider asking someone that if it was their engagement dinner? He paused for a long time & said that he would if there were mitigating circumstances, such as his wife being ill. I said that it clearly wasn’t that mitigating if they were happy to wait for the other event to announce it, if I’d said no. I also said that I don’t understand why it had to be tonight, if they really wanted to tell our parents, why not organise to tell them tomorrow? He couldn’t really give me a straight answer, but said that they weren’t expecting me to be upset about asking. I said I understood they were surprised, but they yelled at me, didn’t apologise and dinner is ruined anyway, to which he did apologise.

Because of my brother’s work, we can’t do the dinner until well after my actual birthday now, so now the whole thing feels redundant.

I feel like I could be TA bc everyone blames me for dinner being cancelled & the conflict in the first place.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/PatientWorried5238 on 2024-10-12 08:32:44.

My sister got married for the first time 20 years ago. She was 20 and she and her husband had dated on and off since they were 17. She proposed to him and at the time she acted like she did it because she loved him so much and knew she was ready to settle down. She got pregnant 3 years later and he died before their son (aka nephew) was born. By that point their marriage hadn't been great and she admitted to me that she proposed because he'd wanted them to break up for good and she hadn't wanted that to happen. Despite them being bad together he was SO looking forward to being a father and had a little keepsake box he'd started when he fond out he was going to be a dad. I took that after he died and kept it safe because my sister wanted to throw it out. I knew one day my nephew might like to see his dad loved him even if they never got to meet. My sister has no idea.

Less than a year later she met her current husband and they got married after dating for 8 months. He adopted my nephew before his second birthday. They also changed my nephew's last name to reflect their marriage name/his adoptive father's name.

My sister did not allow her late husband's family to see my nephew and because she remarried, and he was adopted, our state did not allow for grandparents rights. They did try to seek some sort of legal access but my sister did not want nephew to know her husband was not his bio father. She told our whole family we had to act like her husband was her son's "real father" because to her that's who was his real father. My sister and her husband had other kids as well and they were a mostly happy family. There were times my nephew would ask questions about his birth and why there were no photos of when he was a baby with his parents. But they made up lies to make it believable. My sister's husband served in the military before they met and they pretended he was overseas serving when my nephew was born.

A few months ago, right after my nephew turned 16, one of his cousins on his paternal side reached out on social media. This cousin is also 16 and she let him know the truth. He came to me first and I comforted him and apologized for being part of the lie. I told him I had wanted to be there when he did find out instead of losing touch for refusing. He understood. I was the only person to apologize to him and as of now he has cussed out his parents and made it clear he won't work on forgiving them. He called them bad parents and refuses to go back to how things were. My sister has been left upset by him turning on them and she has tried to lean on me but I have very little sympathy or pity for her. She's picked up on it too because I tell her I understand my nephew feeling like he does instead of saying I understand her. Just the other day she told me I treat her like a criminal since my nephew found out. I told her I don't see her as the victim in any of this. She told me I should be a more compassionate sister.

AITA?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Emotional_Pea2069 on 2024-10-12 07:07:43.

Hey all I 30 M havevw recently left one job and an about to start a new job in an adjacent industry, On my last day I got a call from the owner bob of a company in direct competition, of the company I was leaving oddly this call came to my personal number. This personal number isn't on any of my business profiles or linked in. The only way he could have got it is from my Brother in law Jake who works directly for Bob,

Bob has been pushing Jake to get me to consider working for Bob, but I've made it clear that I do not want to work for Bob. My last talk with Jake he was trying to offer me a job on Bob's behalf. But once again I told him I was not interested

Anyway when Bob called me, I was confused at first. But I remained professional. He asked me if we has stock of something, and I politely told him he would have to go through appropriate channels and gave him the office number.

After that Bob tried to press me as to why I was leaving and where I was going. All I gave him was "I'm making a move for my career and I am very excited" I wished him the best and we eneded the call Overall a very civil conversation. Buy it bugged me that he had my personal phone number.

I am a bit annoyed Jake gave my personal muber to his boss without my permission, but my wife thinks I might be in the wrong if I confront him about it

Hopefully the above is readable, appreciate any inputs

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Ok_Donut_6482 on 2024-10-12 06:46:44.

I (22f) am a married (27M) sahm with a 15mo daughter. Recently my family came to visit us for a week. My mom (41) is staying in our spare bedroom. My Aunt&Uncle came with their kids as well, but they are staying in a hotel.

I told my mom that I have rules about my home, pretty simple rules, nothing over the top. No shoes on the rug, don’t eat food in the living room (drinks and snacks are fine), put your dish in the dishwasher when done, and once I go to bed the living room is shut down. By shut down I mean- do not go in it. I clean my living room before bed. Vacuum the floors, fix and vacuum the cushions, wipe down the coffee tables, ect.

Anyways- I go out to the living room in the morning and there is a cup ring on my coffee table (I HAVE COASTERS) , the cushions are messed up, and a red sauce stain on my rug. I was livid. Mainly of the sauce stain on the rug. The rug is literally brand new, and a light beige color. I waited until my mom woke up and confronted her about the living room. She told me I was being over dramatic, the stain will come out, the rule is stupid, blah blah blah. Long story short, I told her my house, my rules and if she couldn’t go by my rules she needed to leave. So, she left and went to my aunts hotel. My aunt is blowing up my phone telling me that I am being unreasonable and they paid all the money to come see us. I told her I wasn’t being unreasonable, I have very simple rules and I just wanted to be respected in my own home.

Am I the AH? The stain won’t come out and I am extremely disappointed. I tried to move the rug around and have the coffee table cover it, but where it’s at there’s no way to hide it.

EDIT- never did I tell her she couldn’t exit her bedroom. I have a kitchen island that has seats and a dining room where she could have eaten- plus the bedroom she was in has a tv and a couch.

Also- it takes long to clean my living room because I go through the cushions to find snacks my daughter may have dropped throughout the day. My daughter is in the stage where she puts everything in her mouth- no matter what it is and I do not want her to eat old food. She also hides her cup which normally has milk in it. Where I live mice and pests are EXTREMELY common, the last thing I’d want is mice or roaches in my home because of loose food.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/dr-milo on 2024-10-12 03:43:03.

I (20F) have a sister (23F) who is currently pregnant. We found out in March and we could not be more excited. She decided to throw a baby shower, and so me and my mom (50f) bought a whole bunch of things for her. For context, my sister lives where Hurricane Milton hit, and so leading up toward the day we planned to leave (we live a couple states away, which is about a 12 hour drive not taking into consideration stopping for gas and bathroom.), we made sure to constantly check on the Hurricane patterns so we would know whether or not to postpone or leave day. When Hurricane Milton became a Category 5 and evacuation orders were put in place, her husband asked her if they want to reschedule the baby shower so everyone can get there safely, including me and my mom. She said “No, I’m tired of hearing about the hurricane, the weather is supposed to be beautiful after the hurricane. I’m not canceling.”

Hurricane Milton hits landfall, and their area is completely flooded and there’s debris everywhere. They lost power as well as a lot of their friends and family. Still, despite this, baby shower on.

Flash forward to today. We woke up around 2 in the morning to pack up our truck to head to Florida. The first couple hours go by smoothly, and then we end up getting stuck in traffic for two hours because of a wreck. That pushed our ETA back two hours. As we get closer, we are faced with more and more traffic of people returning from hurricane evacuation, and our ETA begins to reach into the late hours of the evening. Our final ETA was 1 AM before we hit a breaking point.

Me and my mom both were beyond exhausted. She was bobbing her head at the wheel and her eyes kept closing as we drove. Me, I was so exhausted and nauseated that I was hallucinating. However, we still had a good three hours of our trip left. After I told her we have to park somewhere, we ended up parking at a truck stop. My sister then calls my mom to check on her, and says “Tell (My Name) to get her fucking ass in the driver’s seat and drive.” My mom answers, “Honey, (my name) is just as exhausted as I am and she’s also autistic, she’s never driven a truck this size before.” (For context: yes I am autistic, and my dad has one of those absolutely massive chevy trucks where I can literally stand in it if I bend my body.)

This is where I start to lose it because I’m loopy and I’m extremely overwhelmed with everything. I tell my sister “You could have easily rescheduled this for another day. A hurricane literally blew through your town, people died, people lost their homes. We are doing all we can.”

She hasn’t responded to me. Currently I’m staying awake with my mom at a truck stop making sure she gets some sleep. I’m so close to passing out I don’t even know how I’m writing this. But I feel like I kinda went too hard on her.. I mean, she’s my sister and she’s pregnant. She didn’t evacuate for the hurricane because she said it wasn’t that big of a deal, and that she was tired of hearing about it.

AITA?

EDIT: Y’all, I posted this to get some helpful advice, not get DMs where I’m called slurs and told to “get a normal brain” because I mentioned a disability I have. Please don’t send me these things. I know it’s hard for some people to comprehend, but respect goes a long way.

EDIT 2: Currently driving to my sister’s house.. We have less than an hour before we’re there and the traffic seems to be less congested. Not a religious person whatsoever but let’s hope that some force out there is strong today and on my side.

UPDATE: We arrived safely at my sister’s house. Any kind of problems or drama have all just blown over because we’re all just happy to be together safely.