Greentext

Everyone assumed they were heterosexual lovers, why should it be assumed that it was platonic after it's discovered they were both male?

It's always the same pattern:

• Assumption is made
• New data makes the assumption queer
• Initial assumption is questioned

Yeah sure, maybe it was some girl and boy who didn't even know each other, but I somehow doubt that a comment questioning a straight relationship would even have a single upvote

How could they be father and son, the bones are approximately the same age!

They were roommates, obviously.

The gay agenda strikes again!

/s

You're a vampire, you realise that your eternal existence is about to come to an end, finally. The ash and fire will today grant you your well deserved rest. You wish only to die sated of your endless thirst - you dash into the nearest house. A man huddles in a room. He's afraid, for once it is not of you. In an instant, it is done, and his lifeblood fills your mouth in one last ecstatic moment as the ash pours through the windows and the stinging heat begins to claim your skin.

But it is not enough. The curse of immortality is strong, and the ash, while choking, is not hot enough to truly burn your body. You live on, changed, hardened into a block of stone, buried. And you wait. A year turns to a decade, a century. You pray to lose your mind, but the curse is stronger even than madness. Your torment seems endless as the centuries turn then to millennia.

And then... The ash above you is cleared. Hope, at last! Surely the people of this new age will see your final crime, bad understand! Surely, they will know your cursed form needs to be destroyed once and for all!

You can barely make them out, as they prowl around your stony shell.

"Hey man, you think they were gay or just bros?"

Your torment continues.

Oh my god they were roomates