Asklemmy

Like the color purple

Using black eyeliner.

One time at school I decided to randomly put a flower on my shrt from outside, then my friend started frantically saying "That's gay bro! Take it off now" and refusing to walk with me in public if i didnt take it off

Suck dick

Use ranch dressing. I was informed that was for gays and city folk only. I really had no response to that nugget of wisdom.

I once called a woman sexy and that I would do it with her and was called gay because she had big muscles. That woman is Carriejune Bowlby. I guess straight guys don’t like in shape women with big butts?

Listening to music.

I was playing some music on my cassette player at school one day, but it wasn't rock'n'roll according to the renowned expert that was discussing the situation with me, therefore it was "gay".

Have a straw in a restaurant.

Listening to metal music with female singers, on two separate occasions. The first was Planet Hell by Nightwish (from the End of an Era concert), and the second one was either Eluveitie or Dalriada.

I was just walking to work one day, when I got heckled in the street by some random guy singing at me:

"Earthworm Jim, you're so much fun to play. Earthworm Jim, you're tall, you're thin, you're gay!"

I've never been more seen.

Kiwi strawberry Snapple.

It was 30 years ago, but it kinda killed the whole concept of calling things "gay" for me.

Hold my arms in a position so that my hands grab the sides of my belly.

(which wasn't even something I was consciously doing, but apparently it was enough to make a fellow male teenager exclaim sarcastically that I was truly standing there in a very heterosexual way)

My wife and my buddy who is bi insist that I cannot have normal conversations with other dudes at the alleged gay bar we like to visit sometimes. They say that I am invariably being hit on, but I don't notice anything like that.