The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/SuspiciousNote7032 on 2024-10-12 15:51:44.
I 35 F married my now Husband 41 male 7 years ago. My husband had three kids from his previous marriage and I had two kids from a previous relationship.
My husband and I welcomed a child together 8 months after getting married. I have always treated my step children like my own . My husband’s oldest daughter we will call her Kelly 19 F is a sophomore in college and recently got engaged to her high school sweetheart we call him Zach 19 m .
Both go the same college and have been together for 4 years. We all love her fiancé and his family. Zach asked my husband for his blessing and everything. We all figured they would get married after they graduated. My step daughter told me they plan to get married next summer after they are done with their sophomore year.
Her fiancé and her plan to get an apartment at college and stay with his grandma in her basement during the summer. Kelly works as a host at college and babysits during the summer. She refuses to get out college loans and after financial aid she has to make payments of around $800 a month.
Her mother helps and we help what we can but ultimately we told her if she chose an out of state college she will be financially responsible. I told her I respect her decision but to be aware she will start her nursing classes her junior year and it is nearly impossible to work during those two years.
I informed her this weekend when she told us her plans to wed next summer that I will not be paying her car insurance or cell bill after she gets married. Kelly got upset with me and refuses to talk to me even though I explained my reason.
I told her that it was her decision to get married young and by doing so your saying I am independent and ready to start a future with my husband. She explained well yeah but I still need your help I said yes of course I will help here or there but not paying your bills every month until you can pay them yourselves. I just think they both should focus on school and get married after they graduate so they can both be financially independent instead of being married but still independent on my parents. So AITA for cutting her off.
Edit: My husband did inform her of this joint decision. Kelly is 19 will be 20 next Spring while her siblings are 17 ( almost 18, 15, 13, 8 and 6. We are not financially well off and live paycheck to paycheck. I have been pulling in overtime to pay off debt that occurred when my husband was not working because of health reasons.
The 17 year has been told if she moves out on her own she is on her own because she does have self entitlement. She needs tough love mom, dad, step mom and step dad will agree. I am happy she has job she works where I work but still obsessed with boyfriend. She didn’t come home one night so different situation prolly a future Reddit post lol
The 15 year old will be dependent on us it be emotionally, financially and mentally he has Autism. He has made some amazing accomplishments in life he will tell you I have been more like his mom than his real mom. He has a heart of gold
The 13 year old and 8 year old are mine from a previous relationship. There father does not help or see them because he is in prison prolly also a future Reddit post considering he paroles in December of this year
The 6 year old the one who is biologically my husband and I is the baby and just loves tornadoes.
I will be there for my kids they be bonus or bio but at the same time I want them to be responsible for themselves. I grew up if you don’t buy it you don’t appreciate it. I have always paid my own bills starting at age 16. And yes at 16 I paid for my school fees, cloths, food , cell, insurance, graduation gown and cap, and dresses. Trust me I do not expect my kids to pay for these things. I just paid for Kelly’s sister graduation stuff. I will be here to help but grown up decisions means grown up responsibilities.
Marriage is serious and marriage couple need to have the financial conversation. Talk over a monthly budget date nights, food, rent and ect.