The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/PatientWorried5238 on 2024-10-12 08:32:44.
My sister got married for the first time 20 years ago. She was 20 and she and her husband had dated on and off since they were 17. She proposed to him and at the time she acted like she did it because she loved him so much and knew she was ready to settle down. She got pregnant 3 years later and he died before their son (aka nephew) was born. By that point their marriage hadn't been great and she admitted to me that she proposed because he'd wanted them to break up for good and she hadn't wanted that to happen. Despite them being bad together he was SO looking forward to being a father and had a little keepsake box he'd started when he fond out he was going to be a dad. I took that after he died and kept it safe because my sister wanted to throw it out. I knew one day my nephew might like to see his dad loved him even if they never got to meet. My sister has no idea.
Less than a year later she met her current husband and they got married after dating for 8 months. He adopted my nephew before his second birthday. They also changed my nephew's last name to reflect their marriage name/his adoptive father's name.
My sister did not allow her late husband's family to see my nephew and because she remarried, and he was adopted, our state did not allow for grandparents rights. They did try to seek some sort of legal access but my sister did not want nephew to know her husband was not his bio father. She told our whole family we had to act like her husband was her son's "real father" because to her that's who was his real father. My sister and her husband had other kids as well and they were a mostly happy family. There were times my nephew would ask questions about his birth and why there were no photos of when he was a baby with his parents. But they made up lies to make it believable. My sister's husband served in the military before they met and they pretended he was overseas serving when my nephew was born.
A few months ago, right after my nephew turned 16, one of his cousins on his paternal side reached out on social media. This cousin is also 16 and she let him know the truth. He came to me first and I comforted him and apologized for being part of the lie. I told him I had wanted to be there when he did find out instead of losing touch for refusing. He understood. I was the only person to apologize to him and as of now he has cussed out his parents and made it clear he won't work on forgiving them. He called them bad parents and refuses to go back to how things were. My sister has been left upset by him turning on them and she has tried to lean on me but I have very little sympathy or pity for her. She's picked up on it too because I tell her I understand my nephew feeling like he does instead of saying I understand her. Just the other day she told me I treat her like a criminal since my nephew found out. I told her I don't see her as the victim in any of this. She told me I should be a more compassionate sister.
AITA?