The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/iswearimtrying607 on 2024-10-12 15:11:41.
Will (23, fake name) plans to propose to me (F26) at the end of the month. We both want a meaningful proposal with a few close friends.
Will is not close to his family at all and is indifferent to his parents being there. But his mom is adamant that she, his dad, and his older sister be there. She didn't even ask him; she just said that she must be there as soon as she saw the ring.
I don't want his mom to be there because she can be dramatic and overbearing. I feel like I have to be on my best behaviour when I'm around her and I can't act natural. I want to be relaxed at the proposal, not have to guard my behaviour because I'm worried about her reactions or what she might be thinking about me.
Will and I are both Hispanic, first-generation Americans, and traditional Catholics, so I understand how important it is to honour your parents and family. His mom is also Catholic and I think she genuinely cares about our souls and well-being. But the way she cares is too much for me.
She is constantly overstepping others' boundaries. She treats Will like a child. When she isn't included in his personal, health, and financial plans, she cries and says things like, how could you do this to me?
His dad and sister are pretty quiet with me and even with Will. I think they would be fine with not being there. But they always side with his mom's wishes when Will makes his own decisions in similar situations.
My Catholic parents are fine with not being there and said that this should be a special moment for us. That I should be able to look back on it with happiness.
I might be TA because marriage is supposed to be about bringing families together and it is not uncommon to have family at proposals. And we are inviting friends so it won't be just the two of us. It might be insulting to not allow his family there and could cause a rift between our families.
Will hasn't told her yet and I know she is going to be extremely upset. He wants me to consider allowing her there just so we don't have to deal with the aftermath, especially while trying to plan the wedding, which we include her in.