Asklemmy

I’m not a “nice guy”.

Definitely not

I'd say I'm optimistic, hopeful, and we'll intentioned but it's been many a year since I've felt "nice". Something shifted in society during the Covid era and I just feel awful going out of my way for most people these days. Very much in the "every person for themselves" category.

I try to be. Don’t always succeed, never recognize when I do, but try so hard my wife makes me stop martyring myself for others

Yes

Not really. I used to be. But being nice has screwed me so much in my life because of being taken advantage of and not being respected that I have no interest in being nice to others anymore, at least by default. I am polite when meeting a new person, but I am skeptical of them until they prove they are worth me being truly nice to them. All I ask of people is some level of reciprocation when they're able to reciprocate (even a "thank you" is usually enough for me) -- but that very rarely happens.

I am very nice. I could probably be kinder, but I think if I was I'd be letting myself get walked on and stuff, so I don't think it's all that good to be too polite.

I have a different take: I try to not be an unpleasant person.

I suffer from a particularly nasty Voltron of ADD and Asperger’s. High-functioning, yes. But it’s still a non-trivial level of neurological fuckery. This means that my social actions and reactions are… different. Sometimes they deviate significantly from the socially accepted baseline. So to be “nice”? What is nice? How to categorize that, measure that, evaluate that? “Nice” could be different for each person I come across.

So to avoid driving myself crazy, I have flipped things and simply concentrated on not being an unpleasant person. To not be rude, not disrespectful, not frightening or combative or creepy. It ends up being a little easier to categorize, define, and measure in that regard, because it involves not doing something instead of doing something. It is avoiding a baseline instead of trying to meet it.

I believe I'm reasonable (most people would believe this of themselves though). I try to be a respectful person. IDK about "nice" though. I would classify one of my friends as a genuinely wholesome and nice person, whom I envy and look up too. The deficiency between him and myself is why I probably wouldn't consider myself nice. I hold myself to the standard that I see from him and I'm not there.

Everyone claiming to be nice is living a lie and ignoring that everything everyone does ever is essentially motivated by their own self-interests.

Recognizing that makes it a hell of a lot easier to deal with people and avoid buying into the forced bullshit that attempts to force itself into every aspect of life.