No Stupid Questions

We don't do it for the purpose of increasing responsibility. I mean , I didn't, maybe other people do. I just really wanted a couple little mini monsters following me around.

When I was like 30, I was out hiking and I saw some guy with three little kids, the kids were hopping from rock to rock, and the littlest one ran up past the siblings to hold the dad's hand. It was super cute. My parents were kinda uninterested and afk, so I haven't seen a lot of examples of dads just having fun with their kids.

That little family was inspiring, in the sense that it opened my mind to a new way of thinking, but also in the sense of taking in breath, it felt like I had been holding my breath and finally stopped. I realized I didn't necessarily have to be like them, I could use their bad/mediocre parenting as a "what not to do" list, and still do some of the things that they did that were good. I could go hiking with my kids, I could teach them how to build a campsite out of nothing, or how to build a server, or how to put your thumb on the end of a house so it sprays really far.

Sure it's more responsibility but it's also really fun.

And, tbh, all the nice things in life are even nicer if you can share it with people. That goes double for kids, because they don't know how shitty the world is. You just gotta make sure they understand and appreciate the fun stuff and don't get spoiled.

Everyone values different things. Personally, I'm not quite ready for kids (even though I'm past the age where my parents had kids and some of my friends/colleagues my age have kids, I'm about your age), but I'm ready to take on more at work. I find it rewarding and I can make more money. And although money doesn't create happiness, it buys some dope shit. And not advancing at work just gets boring and repetitive. Ig it's like that urban legend about sharks needing to swim...

Do you have anything you care about? I take on volunteer tasks for causes I care about. Other people care about family, their workplace, etc. It just seems like you aren't strongly motivated by anything besides personal comfort?

I don't like it when I don't have some challenges or goals in life, I don't like feeling like I'm just coasting along. I'll try a new sport etc so I have a project, and I do a bit of volunteer work towards getting people involved in sports I do.

Different people find joys in different things (some people get more out of charity than they put in)... and different people have a different capacity for stress and energy.

I think our culture teaches many of us that a good life means excelling and success in all facets of life. If you win everything, surely you would be happy!

IMO the trick is to realize that you have a budget for your attention and energy. Figure out what matters to you, not what you are supposed to care about. Figure out what future you will be glad you did.

For me, this involved leaning into some responsibilities that bring me joy (family, pets, learning for its own sake, hobbies, etc). It meant not putting as much mental energy into things that I’m supposed to be very concerned about because life reasons, but which are neutral to negative on my actual mental state (get into management, focus on learning job-related or money-making things, size of house/cars/yard, etc).

Don’t get me wrong, I love my job and I work with great people. But at the same time, for a couple years now, I’ve spent more time thinking about upgrades to the pond in my back yard than my career development. And I wouldn’t be writing this if I wasn’t better for it.

Standard disclaimer: we are all different. Somebody who gets genuine fulfillment from hammering away at their career is not necessarily a bad thing.