Sometimes songs don't have deep stories, are nonsense, or are just straight forward.
My head cannon (that is not true at all) is that "Cupid Stranglehold" and "According to You" involve the same people.
"According to you I'm stupid, I'm useless I can't do anything right According to you I'm difficult, hard to please Forever changing my mind I'm a mess in a dress Can't show up on time Even if it would save my life According to you, according to you"
So in my head the above verse is about the guy in the below verse.
"Take a look at my girlfriend She's the only one I got (ba ba da da) Not much of a girlfriend I never seem to get a lot (ba ba da da, ba ba da da)"
Then this below verse:
"But according to him I'm beautiful, incredible He can't get me out of his head According to him I'm funny, irresistible Everything he ever wanted Everything is opposite I don't feel like stopping it So baby, tell me what I got to lose He's into me for everything I'm not According to you"
Is about this guy: " It's been awhile since we talked last and I'm tryin' hard not to talk fast But dad I'm finally thinkin' I may have found the one Type of girl that will make you way proud of your son And I know you heard the last song about the girls that didn't last long But I promise this is on a whole new plane I can tell by the way she says my name (ba ba da da) I love it when she calls my phone She even got her very own ringtone If that ain't love then I don't know what love is (ba ba da da) It's gonna be a long drive home but I know as soon as I arrive home And I open the door take off my coat and throw my bag on the floor She'll be back into my arms once more for sure "
Are these songs at all related? No of course not. Was any real thought put into Cupid Chokehold? No, not at all. They made it one day when they were bored and the "not much of a girl friend" part is just sampled for the beat.
But in my head, the "According to him" guy, just can't help but gush about how lucky he is to his parents.