this post was submitted on 12 Mar 2024
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depression_now!

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Even IF you somehow manage to navigate today's maze of failures, rejections and heartbreak, what is your reward? To live yet another day in misery? To wait until climate change, war or disease does away with us?

A reward would be to be able to rest. I don't mean death per sé, but it seems like that's the only real-life thing left available to people like us.

Yes, yes, I know very well that "if nothing has meaning, YOU get to choose the meaning". Except I don't. Maybe if I was rich or powerful. But I'm poor, in poor health and powerless.

I read Camus' Sisiphus, and I, for one, cannot possibly imagine him happy.

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 8 months ago (4 children)

I read Camus' Sisiphus, and I, for one, cannot possibly imagine him happy.

My friend, the reason Sisyphus is happy is because he achieves his goal everyday.

That isn't the same for you, which is why you cannot comprehend him being happy.

It may be difficult right now, but can you think of something that gives you satisfaction? Not something that alters your state (drink, drugs, etc), but something that as you do it, brings you some sense of relief, or a slight smile?

To live yet another day in misery? To wait until climate change, war or disease does away with us?

I struggle with this massively, what I need to constantly remind myself is that myself as an individual cannot solve any of these problems. It would be like if Sisyphus' task was to carry an entire mountain up the hill. But what I can do is identify my own boulder and carry that.

For example I recently got a micro-plastics filter for my washing machine. In the grand scheme of things does this make a meaningful difference? That depends on what you consider meaningful. Is it reducing the amount of microplastics in the ocean? Only by a teeny tiny amount, but it is dramatically reducing the amount that I am putting in. And that gives me some satisfaction. It is meaningful to me. Is it going to save the planet? Fuck no, but I feel better knowing that I'm at least not making the situation worse.

You clearly care about these big problems because you've mentioned them here, so what I'd ask you to think about is what would be meaningful to you? What is your boulder?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 8 months ago (3 children)

I don't know. Until recently I had a real passion for collecting ancient coins, but my finances don't allow me to continue this hobby, and my family is also quite dismissive of it in general. Last week I actually dropped a denarius of Tiberius (also known as a "tribute penny") and it shattered. I destroyed a 2000-year old artifact that I loved with all my heart, and since I haven't touched any other coins or looked at any online.

I used to think I was "good with computers", but almost a decade of working in the field have shown me that no, I'm a low level amateur not even close to some 20-year olds who are professionals in the niche.

I'd say the most important thing in my life is my family, but I honestly don't know if they feel the same. I know I can't quite provide them with the kind of life they deserve and they probably resent me for that.

Apart from that I have my grandparents and mother and all three are in rapidly declining health.

If I was Sisyphus right now, I'd push the boulder to the top of the hill and let it roll over me on the way back.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 months ago

A few points. What you have regarding the computers is "imposter syndrome", which basically means you are almost certainly better at it than you think you are. If you can get the job done then you are good at it, and it doesn't matter if you think other people are better at it than you.

The best thing you can do for your family is be there for them and love them. Having a loving and happy parent or spouse is infinitely more valuable than having a wealthy one. Don't underestimate your value to them in non monetary terms.

They might not realise that what they think is good natured joking is hurtful to you, so maybe try to get them to realise that your hobby is important to you and your mental health.

Basically don't underestimate yourself and the positive impact you have on other people, and also take care of yourself so you can take care of them.

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