this post was submitted on 06 Feb 2024
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No Stupid Questions

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As the title states really. I need to refer to this diverse group of people, who somehow have gotten put in the same box labeled "sexual minorites".

I'm a boring CISHET vanilla white male, so I don't really know. I want to include as many as I can when I refer to "lgbtq+ people". I've been studying various flags, trying to find the one flag I need. But I can't really figure it out.

Is lgbtq+ the preferred term, or what should I use? Is a flag better? I don't want to hurt someone by not including them.

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 9 months ago (7 children)

The best term you can use is just "the queer community". It's a broad and vague word that asks no questions and offers no answers beyond "these people have sexual orientations and/or gender identities that are not exclusively heterosexual and/or cisgender". It's gender-neutral unlike the previous catch-all term "gay". It includes people who were originally excluded and unrepresented by the original LGBT acronym, such as intersex and third-gendered people. It also includes people who find it culturally difficult to put a label on what they do, such as same-gender-loving Black people who don't call themselves "gay".

That being said, it is not always the perfect, use-it-all-the-time panacea that you're looking for. "Queer" was originally a pejorative term, and although it has been reclaimed as positive terminology since the Stonewall Riot days (think of the chant, "We're here! We're queer! Get used to it!"), some older members of the queer community remember it as hurtful.

In addition, sometimes it's important to be specific. Exclusively using the word "queer" to refer to the queer community flattens the queer experience to one single uniform word, when reality is anything but uniform. For example, when trans people are targeted by executive orders and bathroom bills, it's important to be specific about who those actions harm: trans people, intersex people, and so on.

For these reasons, while it is safe to use "queer" as a blanket term, some individual people don't like the term and some individual circumstances call for a more specific word.

As far as your flag question goes, if you're looking for a visible signal to signpost that you're a queer ally, you're probably looking for the Progress Flag. It's the original rainbow pride flag, but with added representation for trans people, intersex people, people of color, and those who died during the AIDS crisis.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (5 children)

It’s gender-neutral unlike the previous catch-all term “gay”.

Exposing my own ignorance here, but is "gay" necessarily gendered? I had thought that lesbian women sometimes identified as "gay", is that not the case? No offence meant, genuinely interested.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 months ago

"Gay" is either gendered or not the same way that "guy" and "dude" are either gendered or not.

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