this post was submitted on 10 Dec 2023
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Asexual

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So I'm not sure how to define my sexuality. I only care because I have a hard time explaining it to others (men mostly women don't care).

Basically about 2 years ago I came out as bisexual (50/50 attraction). I had a lot of sexual trauma and resolved it in therapy. I had a whore phase to explore myself, but I honestly don't enjoy sex that much. I maybe cum 1-2/10 times, so mostly it's been about pleasing my partners.

A couple months ago, I basically stopped dating because I kinda don't care to. I find I get much more out of dance and hobbies. I still get horny, but after masturbating, I am back to not caring.

Sex just sounds remarkably unrewarding and too much effort. I like connecting with people, but dancing with someone is way less complicated than arranging sex for the same reward. Friends annoy me sometimes because they assume I'm just not having success.

Is this asexuality? I still sometimes like sex, just very rarely.

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[โ€“] [email protected] 0 points 11 months ago (4 children)

Depends on how strictly you want to define asexuality, some people will say yes. From what you're saying, I don't think you are.

For most women sex isn't enjoyable unless they are in love with their partner and feel safe+cared for. Only a small minority of women enjoy casual sex with strangers all the same. The frequency and quality of orgasms is very dependent on this.

For men it's the opposite way around. Most will enjoy casual sex, only a minority doesn't. Love+ feeling safe is a factor too, but it's less of a difference.

It all depends on what hormones you have flowing through your veins.

So I'm guessing it was just bad relationship. Or another possibility is bad sexual health, which is also very common these days (mostly because of cardiometabolic health).

If you want to find someone to care for you, you have to signal that you appreciate being cared for and reciprocate. Most people today fail at either of these steps, it is especially hard for people with trauma.

[โ€“] [email protected] 3 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

I'm sorry, but it feels like you're reducing sexuality almost entirely down to nothing more than biology, when it's so much more complicated than that.

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