I want to share my experience from last night. If it breaks some kind of rule, let me know and I'll delete my post.
So, I went out last night to a lifestyle party at a small strip joint. For those who aren't aware, it's for those exploring a polyamorus or "swinging" lifestyle (I think those are basically interchangeable?) I went out with the goal of meeting people and making friends... And I feel I succeed! I feel like I should make a Facebook account(it's 2023, I know, I'm late to the party) to connect with the people I met.
I got to talk to both newbies and people who have been in the lifestyle for a while, and it was enlightening to listen to the different reasons people have tried polyamory and hearing their different experiences.
There were also a lot of (sexually charged) games intended to get you up and meeting different people. There was a snakes and ladders game, but you had to pick a slip of paper and find someone in the party that matched the criteria, i.e. find someone who had sex in 25 states. If successful move forward 3, if unsuccessful, move back 1. And I won a free ticket to next time!
One of the people there, after he bought me a drink and he and his wife shared a joint (legal here, not that anyone probably actually cares), I think tried to shock me by saying he's ultra conservative, trying to make a point I think, that not all conservatives are like my mother and brother. I mean, I know I'm paranoid, but I also know you should judge the individual, not the idea. And him and his wife were super accepting of me, said my energy was great, and my outfit was amazing!
In fact everyone there I interacted with said they loved my energy! I feel this was an extreme win in my book, even though I was literally shaking from nerves for, like, the first 45 mins.
Oh, a lady and her friend invited me to sit down and play some games while we watched the strippers, and they were so enamored by one of them (a plus sized lady, and her confidence was astounding), I bought them a lap dance, and it made their week! All-in-all, I feel it was a positive experience just to go out and meet like-minded people. It was so much fun, and I can't wait to go back again!
Jsyk polyamorous and swingers do share some qualities but we’re very different. Swingers tend to get confused when I mention that I rarely have sex outside of my two long term relationships for example. Also poly people tend to think of swingers as more reckless in every sense and less modern in their understanding of consent. Also swingers lean more libertarian, poly leans more communist, though that one might be more of a local thing.
I will give my general warning on swingers, they tend to assume yes until they get a no and they’re more likely to buy someone a few drinks before sex. That can be fun when you’re interested, but I know people for whom this shit has gone very wrong for and it’s gone especially wrong for trans people I know. Have fun and enjoy your debauchery, but be careful.
If it’s actual poly then the big things to watch out for are train wrecks, pseudo cults, and people with insufficiently managed personality disorders.
I'm kind of doing "multiple parallel dating", which certainly isn't swinging, so I call myself poly. But I've resisted joining formal "polycules" for exactly the reasons you cite in the final paragraph.
Yeah formal polycules have a tendency towards those issues. My polycule is organic and doesn’t contain any triads. Like I’m open to such things, but it’s a ton of work and we haven’t had anyone try to date me and one of my partners together.
Like sometimes everything goes well in such situations, but they’re appealing to people I don’t want to date for a reason. I like my partners to be strong, independent, and mature.