Jokes: Get Your Funny On!

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The funniest sub on Reddit. Hundreds of jokes posted each day, and some of them aren't even reposts! Join our discord: https://discord.gg/jokes.

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My Debate Club leader said I was a terrible addition. (zerobytes.monster)
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The original was posted on /r/jokes by /u/Zymgie on 2023-08-17 19:39:13+00:00.

I found it hard to argue with their stance.

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The KGB, the FBI and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at catching criminals. (zerobytes.monster)
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The original was posted on /r/jokes by /u/romanticrohypnol on 2023-08-17 18:58:53+00:00.

The Secretary General of the UN decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.

The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: “Okay! Okay! I’m a rabbit! I’m a rabbit!”

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What do you call a kid with two broken arms? (zerobytes.monster)
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The original was posted on /r/jokes by /u/Dexter_Thiuf on 2023-08-17 20:41:30+00:00.

Ahhhh.... Been on Reddit awhile, I'm guessing....

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Two muffins are baking in the oven (zerobytes.monster)
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The original was posted on /r/jokes by /u/Mareep_needs_Sleep on 2023-08-17 20:14:16+00:00.

One muffin turns to the other and says, "Is it just me, or is it getting hot in here?" The second muffin turns to him and replies, "HOLY CRAP A TALKING MUFFIN!?!?!?"

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What do you call a group of super hero orphans? (zerobytes.monster)
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The original was posted on /r/jokes by /u/thegeekiestgeek on 2023-08-17 18:46:57+00:00.

The Mighty Orphan Power Rangers.

Side note: I came up with this one today so it's as original AFAIK. Apparently orphan jokes are popular at my children's school and at least the one I came up with isn't cruel.

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What did the Park Ranger say to Smokey The Bears' family after Smokey was shot by a hunter? (zerobytes.monster)
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The original was posted on /r/jokes by /u/theallmightybird on 2023-08-17 17:43:28+00:00.

"I'm sorry, but . . . Smokey got smoked."

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What is white and annoying while having food? (zerobytes.monster)
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The original was posted on /r/jokes by /u/PM_Me_Irelias_Hands on 2023-08-17 17:39:08+00:00.

An avalanche

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[OC]When my wife’s podiatrist left a message saying he wanted to speak with her about something, (zerobytes.monster)
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The original was posted on /r/jokes by /u/6rant6 on 2023-08-17 17:35:57+00:00.

I knew something had to be a foot.

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I play a brand new position in baseball! (zerobytes.monster)
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The original was posted on /r/jokes by /u/InkFoxPrints on 2023-08-17 17:05:42+00:00.

Left Out

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Why was the Amish girl excommunicated? (zerobytes.monster)
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The original was posted on /r/jokes by /u/lmr_fudd on 2023-08-17 16:56:42+00:00.

Too men-a-night.

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You've all heard the first headline, but not the second... (zerobytes.monster)
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The original was posted on /r/jokes by /u/AlwaysAWOL on 2023-08-17 16:49:56+00:00.

A pun walks into a bar and kills ten people.

Headline reads “Pun in, ten dead”.

Pun is tracked to a hideout in the woods and perishes in a shoot out with police.

Headline reads “Pun in tent dead”.

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My kids began ignoring me so much that I feel invisible... (zerobytes.monster)
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The original was posted on /r/jokes by /u/chalkattack on 2023-08-17 14:24:57+00:00.

Now I identify as trans-parent.

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You know who doesn't have a checkered past? (zerobytes.monster)
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The original was posted on /r/jokes by /u/red_4 on 2023-08-17 12:40:10+00:00.

Chess players

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I don't like farmers that keep ravens as pets. (zerobytes.monster)
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The original was posted on /r/jokes by /u/Hashashin455 on 2023-08-17 12:16:58+00:00.

They're bad yeomans

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Tennis Balls (zerobytes.monster)
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The original was posted on /r/jokes by /u/AlaskaNight on 2023-08-17 12:01:52+00:00.

One day a man was walking into the store and found two new tennis balls laying in the parking lot, so he decides to put them in his pockets before going into the store. He looks around one aisle and a woman happens to notice them in his pockets. She looks a couple of times and he notices he catches her attention. He turns to her and says “tennis balls.” The woman replies, “oh wow, I’ve had tennis elbow before but I can’t imagine how that feels.”

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I was at the playground and fell off the swings. (zerobytes.monster)
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The original was posted on /r/jokes by /u/ds2316476 on 2023-08-17 11:06:03+00:00.

A nearby kid instead of helping asked, "What season is it? Fall?"

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Why did the vegan Middle Eastern person leave their country? (zerobytes.monster)
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The original was posted on /r/jokes by /u/Aselkurdy on 2023-08-17 08:26:35+00:00.

too much Falafel causing catastrophe of bloating

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I heard that science has discovered a way to reverse the behavior of Pinocchio’s nose, such that genuine statements make it grow. (zerobytes.monster)
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The original was posted on /r/jokes by /u/A_Mirabeau_702 on 2023-08-17 03:55:24+00:00.

Huge if true.

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Which prehistoric shark insulted it's prey? (zerobytes.monster)
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The original was posted on /r/jokes by /u/MattThompsonDalldorf on 2023-08-17 03:54:59+00:00.

The Megalodon--Rickles.

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Dr. Dave had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it he just couldn't. The guilt was overwhelming. (zerobytes.monster)
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The original was posted on /r/jokes by /u/YZXFILE on 2023-08-17 12:04:45+00:00.

But every once in a while he would hear in internal, reassuring voice in his head that said: "Dave don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to have sex with one of his patients and you won't be the last. Just let It go Dave." But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality whispering: "Dave... Daaaave... you're a veterinarian you sick bastard!"