Jokes: Get Your Funny On!

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The original was posted on /r/jokes by /u/thebudman_420 on 2023-08-18 08:49:45+00:00.

A Sand Witch.

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The original was posted on /r/jokes by /u/Mental_Impression316 on 2023-08-18 08:30:25+00:00.

It’s Cact-I not Cactus

Or What’s a communists favorite plant…The cactUS

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The original was posted on /r/jokes by /u/Omeganian on 2023-08-18 06:33:41+00:00.

Stalin takes it:

• This is Comrade Stalin.

(Pause)

• Ah, hello, Comrade Churchill.

(Pause)

• No.

(Pause)

• No.

(Pause)

• No.

(Pause)

• No.

(Pause)

• Yes.

(Pause)

• No.

(Pause)

• No.

(Pause)

• No. Goodbye, Comrade Churchill.

Stalin hangs up. Molotov asks:

• Comrade Stalin, you said "Yes" once.

• He asked if I can hear him okay.

The original post: /r/cryptocurrency by /u/ArcanuMELO on 2024-05-17 11:07:25.

The original post: /r/bitcoin by /u/mikeneedsadvice on 2024-05-18 03:19:55.

The original post: /r/bitcoin by /u/10xlive on 2024-05-18 00:29:41.

Can someone explain the basics of energy grid and why people say that mining Bitcoin will balance the grid?

The original post: /r/bitcoin by /u/user192726373 on 2024-05-18 00:13:58.

If I sell BTC does the IRS only tax the profit?

The original post: /r/bitcoin by /u/SPXJUICYPUMPZ on 2024-05-17 23:05:31.

The dream of having enough money behind me that I can refuse to do certain jobs for certain people and say, nah! To people who use and abuse me and watch their faces look back shocked is what keeps me going on days like this.

Much love. Keep stacking. One day. One day.

The original post: /r/bitcoin by /u/petragta on 2024-05-17 22:18:25.

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The original was posted on /r/jokes by /u/KimesUSN on 2023-08-18 04:31:33+00:00.

So I said, “gesundheit.”

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The original was posted on /r/jokes by /u/Legitimate_Otaku7082 on 2023-08-18 03:43:58+00:00.

Mooooove Over!

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The original was posted on /r/jokes by /u/Relative-Eye-5949 on 2023-08-18 02:00:34+00:00.

The lyrebird

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The original was posted on /r/jokes by /u/mnnw on 2023-08-17 20:01:38+00:00.

Seal

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The original was posted on /r/jokes by /u/graceandersonn on 2023-08-17 19:07:20+00:00.

They don't have the guts.

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The original was posted on /r/jokes by /u/The_Zealot_Almighty on 2023-08-17 19:01:20+00:00.

When creating International Women's Day the committee in charge also created one for men. The problem is, every single man forgot the date, so it has been lost to history.

Well, after much digging and searching I managed to rediscover the date, and wanted to share this information with everyone.

Problem is, I've also forgotten the date, so I just decided to guess and hope I got it right. Happy International Men's Day! Let's forget this day again next year.

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The original was posted on /r/jokes by /u/Totalisnot on 2023-08-18 04:29:18+00:00.

They'll plot something sinister.

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The original was posted on /r/jokes by /u/Bitter-Weekend772 on 2023-08-18 02:46:33+00:00.

A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.

She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!' so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills and canyon walls.

When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final 'Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!' and rode off.

"What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service-station attendant. "Nothing," the woman answered "I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off."

"Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don't use saddles."

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The original was posted on /r/jokes by /u/LangstonBHummings on 2023-08-18 00:34:03+00:00.

He couldn't think straight.

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The original was posted on /r/jokes by /u/GanjaS4murai on 2023-08-18 00:30:59+00:00.

Swallowing is polite ;)

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The original was posted on /r/jokes by /u/porichoygupto on 2023-08-18 00:20:37+00:00.

Because …sin pi = zero.

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The original was posted on /r/jokes by /u/ilikesidehugs on 2023-08-18 00:01:33+00:00.

Original Title: For my post-vasectomy follow-up my doctor required that I give one last semen sample. As a graduated Eagle Scout, I showed up to the appointment with all the necessary supplies: extra clothes, med-kit, secondary ID, Swiss Army knife, field guide, compass, and wet wipes.

When the nurse walked in to collect my sample she said, “I see you came prepared!”

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The original was posted on /r/jokes by /u/blissfulduo on 2023-08-17 22:05:23+00:00.

when they discovered a magical golden fish swimming near the shore. The fish promised to grant each of them one wish.

The first man said, "I wish I were back home with my family." In an instant, he disappeared from the island and found himself surrounded by his loved ones.

The second man, excited by the first man's wish, said, "I wish I were in a luxurious mansion with all the riches in the world." Just like that, he vanished from the island and appeared in a grand mansion, surrounded by opulence.

The third man, looking around at his now-empty surroundings, sighed and said, "I'm lonely. I wish my friends were here with me." And just like that, the first two men reappeared on the island.

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The original was posted on /r/jokes by /u/Major_Independence82 on 2023-08-17 21:45:39+00:00.

No one knows the Cure

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The original was posted on /r/jokes by /u/EnvironmentalRich379 on 2023-08-17 21:24:21+00:00.

Most people got out of their cars to see what’s going on. In the distance they spotted a man holding a donation box. As the man was walking from car to car he got stopped by one upset driver.

The driver proceeded to ask him “ what’s going on? Why are we being stopped here for hours already?”

The man trying to explain says “ well the president got kidnapped and the kidnappers are asking for 10 million or they’re going to cover him in fuel and set him on fire.”

The driver obviously shocked asks “well are the people giving something?”

And the man says “ yeah they do. Like 5,6… liters.”

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The original was posted on /r/jokes by /u/Jokeminder42 on 2023-08-17 20:08:42+00:00.

A guy's wife comes into the room and says to her husband, "What the hell are you doing? I thought you were going to fix the sink!"

The husband says, "I am. I'm watching this video to learn how to do it."

The wife says, "Well, when does he get to that part?"

And the guy says, "Probably when he finishes banging this broad."