this post was submitted on 05 Mar 2024
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The Monkey's Paw

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Want to make a wish? Just ask the Monkey’s Paw! No strings attached.*

Just create a post that starts with “I wish ___”. Other users will then grant you the wish, and probably not how you intended.

^(*)^ ^Strings^ ^definitely^ ^attached.^ ^Satisfaction^ ^not^ ^guaranteed.^ ^Wish^ ^will^ ^likely^ ^backfire.^

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I really don't want to go into work tomorrow.

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[–] [email protected] 23 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Your belly distends and you feel a horrible pain. Congratulations, it's a boy! Enjoy your two whole weeks of maternity leave. And don't worry about giving insufficient notice, your employer will just deduct it from your vacation time.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

Oh god that's horrific. I love it. Immediate horror and oh god what have I done? Microwave regret available in 30 seconds or less.