Ask Lemmy
A Fediverse community for open-ended, thought provoking questions
Please don't post about US Politics. If you need to do this, try [email protected]
Rules: (interactive)
1) Be nice and; have fun
Doxxing, trolling, sealioning, racism, and toxicity are not welcomed in AskLemmy. Remember what your mother said: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. In addition, the site-wide Lemmy.world terms of service also apply here. Please familiarize yourself with them
2) All posts must end with a '?'
This is sort of like Jeopardy. Please phrase all post titles in the form of a proper question ending with ?
3) No spam
Please do not flood the community with nonsense. Actual suspected spammers will be banned on site. No astroturfing.
4) NSFW is okay, within reason
Just remember to tag posts with either a content warning or a [NSFW] tag. Overtly sexual posts are not allowed, please direct them to either [email protected] or [email protected].
NSFW comments should be restricted to posts tagged [NSFW].
5) This is not a support community.
It is not a place for 'how do I?', type questions.
If you have any questions regarding the site itself or would like to report a community, please direct them to Lemmy.world Support or email [email protected]. For other questions check our partnered communities list, or use the search function.
Reminder: The terms of service apply here too.
Partnered Communities:
Logo design credit goes to: tubbadu
view the rest of the comments
Good, that is good. If your kids are small, it may keep getting better - I run pretty hot, once a day lady at least and nursing kids knocked my libido down below zero. It was unsettling. The combination of stress and hormones (and coming after the high of pregnancy sex drive) was so depressing, sex was scary and uncomfortable just awful time. It does pass but feels like it won't.
Sorry probably TMI but if you can stay connected and especially if this is a change she has gone through it will come around. Little kids are such an enormous stressful job but they do grow.
No no, not TMI. Thank you for sharing, every bit of info that helps us understand the situation is helpful.
Stress is definitely a big factor in our case. Lots of stressful circumstances. But intimacy for me is a stress reliever, whereas it seems like the opposite to her. So that's been a big issue for a while.
I've lurked a lot in r/deadbedrooms in the past year. A lot of advice there can sometimes make you lose hope. "Just leave him/her. You're not compatible." I've not posted there myself, and probably for the best. But it has been somewhat insightful.
It has come to a head for me a few times in the past year, where I've broken down and told her intimacy has to escalate soon. We need to do something here. I need to know what she wants and she needs to know what I want so we can rebuild and increase the intimacy frequency and quality.
So we have sort of a plan now and it's working pretty well so far. Wheels are turning. I just hope we can stay the course.
Good. I guess I should say there are actually two conditions under which my sex drive has failed completely, the other time was when I was working 4 jobs, and sex began to feel like just one more thing I had to do, instead of a source of relief. You guys don't have a fundamental mismatch, right? r/deadbedrooms is sort of a cesspool.
They are right that you cannot reconcile a once a week person with a twice a day person though - someone is going to be unsatisfied in that situation. So unhappy it wrecks their life? Maybe not, I made 20 years with a once a week guy, was frustrated but that wasn't really what broke us. Could have gone on like that, without it being a huge issue, I have hands and that's still regular connection, understand? If everything else was good it was plenty good enough. But for sure it's much less of an issue with my husband, as we wake up and do it every day before starting our day, to make sure we get off at least once with each other. Like, maybe I run slightly hotter than him but it's close, very close.