Showerthoughts

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A "Showerthought" is a simple term used to describe the thoughts that pop into your head while you're doing everyday things like taking a shower, driving, or just daydreaming. A showerthought should offer a unique perspective on an ordinary part of life.

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A lot of societies problems would be solved if they taught about forming healthy relationships in school. (lemmy.world)

submitted 1 year ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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Right now there is a loneliness epidemic throughout the world. More and more people aren't entering relationships. Gen Z men are having significant trouble dating while there are some economic factors in the mix. From my own view and experiences combined with what I've read most Gen Z men are lack the social and communication skills to even enter a relationship. This has and in the future will lead to extreme issues. There's already been a marked rise in hostility towards women by young men (think Andrew Tate and his ilk) that's likely born out of this frustration. I would definitely say there's been a rise in gender hostility ever since the pandemic.

Back in the 50s there was arranged marriages. All a person had to do was just show but now that's gone because it was an unequal system and I think society missed its chance to establish something much healthier and better in its wake. Now we have people that are unable to connect with each other. We just toss people blindly into the mess that is human interaction and relationships and no one knows what to do anymore. We could be have the most fulfilling relationships humans have ever had. Think of the amount of people who would of never have entered abusive relationships had there been someone around them that showed them what love exactly is.

The way we teach is so heavily focused on teaching people how to be worker drones that we forget the human part of the person. This is why a lot of people who do extreme well in school and college fare so poorly in relationships and have higher rates of depression. We are the most educated and advanced in human history, we know psychology, we can teach this shit rather than tossing people blindly into the meat grinder.

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[–] [email protected] 48 points 1 year ago (4 children)

            
              What healthy boundaries look like
The importance of your own interests/activities/time
How to survive limerence/infatuation without sacrificing yourself
How to manage emotional responses without just tanking damage
How to express anger without getting nasty/toxic
How to recognise NPD / BPD before getting entangled

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Maybe not demonizing bpd. Bpd is treatable and people with bpd already suffer a lot of stigma and psychological pain. They don't act insane just to hurt you or because it brings them pleasure

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

As a person who has their BPD under control so well that my psychologist doesn't feel fully comfortable diagnosing me with it anymore, seeing stuff about how be need to be avoided still hurts, a lot. I've put in the work, I've never missed an appointment with my current psychologist, I do my best to keep myself stable, and to not hurt others or myself, but I feel like I can never escape this diagnosis. I feel obligated to tell any romantic partners that I have BPD, only for it to be used against me. No matter what I do, I'll always be branded by this, even if I haven't exhibited symptoms for years. I feel like I'll either have to lie to people, or tell them truth and walk on eggshells, afraid that any negative emotion will make them think I'm insane, abusive, or crazy. I just want to live a healthy and happy life.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

maybe it's not a lie if you have grown and changed into a new version of yourself.

[–] [email protected] -1 points 1 year ago

Yeah, lived through the first 25 years of my life subject to rampant unchecked cluster-B abuse, and nobody even told me things weren't meant to be that way.

I don't give two shits about intent, the impact is the same regardless. Like an overly curious bear or something.

See it, recognise it, walk in the opposite fucking direction. And if it follows you, you scream and throw rocks.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

And mention things like polyamory. I was 40 before realizing that was an option…

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

Yeap. I mean, you'd utterly break people's brains but dammit.

Imagine a world where you're only ever allowed to have one friend at a time, and anything else was actually considered justification for murder.

I don't really understand humans.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

I would add introspection and the experience in calmly process criticism (and that doesn't mean always take it in, depending on the source and quality it sometimes is best ignored) to it.

It's my impression that a lot of interpersonal problems derive from one or both of the parties not being mature as adults: sure, they have the age to be adults (sometimes even seniors) but they're don't have the maturity.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

I would change the last point to being aware of the mental health of yourself and those close to you.

Talking about mental health in general is so damn stigmatized but I think if more people were aware of how to identify your everyday mental health concerns (anxiety, depression, eating disorders, mania, OCD, etc) and spoke more openly about our issues and our treatments, we’d be able to build better social support networks.

In fact, you could probably fold a few of your points into that.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Hurt people hurt people, as they say - and that cuts both ways. Yes, you should be kind and supportive if you can, but you aren't obliged to put yourself at risk in order to do so.

Malignant narcissists cause significant, ongoing harm to those they get their hooks into. They may have a terribly sad backstory and lead unpleasant lives, but that doesn't help the victims any.

BPD abusers tend to be less evil-karen on the surface, but their need for ongong validation is just as intense, and they will harm people just as ruthlessly in order to maintain their supply.

I don't think it's unreasonable to point out some red flags to let people steer clear of that risk.