its official my partner is ace and aromantic (hexbear.net)

submitted 6 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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I thought she just didn't want to do sex stuff or cuddle or show affection..

Anyway I just thought it was important to let the world know that you can be volcel army and still be in a committed ten year relationship. In fact isn't that what true comradeship is built on?

Weapons grade cope aside, I think I'm one of those weird types of humans who needs affection and so on. Am I really going to have to start dating again? FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

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[-] [email protected] 25 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

I've been where you are it is not fun. Im the type of person who needs physically affection and while i dont need sex i found out i need to feel sexually wanted. My girlfriend got an iud put in and it fucked her hormones so bad she couldn't touch me without feeling disgusted for around 2-3 months. It was hell and it obliterated my mental health, we almost broke up and i thought she was cheating on me. Very unpleasant times.

What im getting at here is that as hard as its gonna be and as much as you love them you are incompatible. Don't hurt yourself more by telling yourself you can be happy with them. You have needs

If you think you could still be friends with them im sure that would amazing but personally i wouldn't be able to stop myself from pining if i did and dont think it'd be a good idea.

I'm sorry you are going through this op

[-] [email protected] 16 points 6 months ago

Thanks comrade. What you described about needing to feel wanted sounds very familiar. I guess I've been distracting myself from the reality of the situation, numbing and I guess just kinda rationalising things as a side effect of temporary conditions or other surmountable things we would face together eventually and be stronger for.

I'm so sorry to hear about the situation with your girlfriend's birth control. That must have been an absolute mindfuck for both of you.

In my case things have sort of ended up where they are through a gradual process and we've continued to be generally very good for each other. The way things are have been a fairly consistent state of affairs for a while, I just kind of expected we would somehow find each other again, in that way.

The conversation with her today feels like a reality check against that. I don't even know what I "want" in terms of something else. I haven't felt the need to wonder about it. I just know this feels incomplete.

Fuck. I appreciate you sharing your story. It's definitely food for thought.

this post was submitted on 29 Mar 2024

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